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  • The Emoji Movie

    The Emoji Movie


    Day TWO of the EMOJI MOVIE EXPERIENCE. Today's focus: This Movie's 3D is Bullshit and It Has A Secret Satanic Plotline

    But first, you may notice half a star added to the rating of this movie. I should come clean. I went with the flow of the crowd that says this movie should be terrible. It really isn't. It's at least base-line competently made. It has the occasional laughable moment. It has sins and offenses, but they're pretty much the…

Recent reviews

  • Paddington 2

    Paddington 2


    A solid four stars in my head, but FIVE STARS in my heart because Judy's printing press subplot will likely inspire a non-zero sum of kids to get into zine-making so SING IT FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS!

    Brendan Gleeson murders it, surprising no one. *SPOILER* "Nuckle's' Sandwiches" is one of the best long con puns I've ever witnessed.

    It's great to see the band back together.

  • The Meg

    The Meg


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    scavenger hunt 41: 3/30

    Deduct half a star for a plodding first hour... actually, I was ready to deduct more than that, but when this film slaps, IT SLAPS WITH THE RUCKUS! Big Dick Energy is out! Big Shark Energy is in! WOOOOO!!!

    Also, much love for the goofy-looking underwater vehicles and gadgets. If anything, I would have been psyched to see the film lean a bit heavier in this direction. I'll be thankful for any amount of strange I…

Popular reviews

  • Paddington



    scavenger hunt 41: 2/30

    Every bit as artsy, charming and delightful as Film Internet has led me to believe, and funnier than expected. The reveal of Nicole Kidman's office filled with stuffed animal backends beats just about any lateral tracking shot you can name.

    And no doubt somebody's already made a super-specific Letterboxd list including this film and THE SHAPE OF WATER-- Films Starring Sally Hawkins That Feature a Bathroom Being Flooded Almost To Bursting.

  • Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

    Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2



    Do I really need to put myself through the pain of this holiday tradition? Doesn't Thanksgiving with the fam already have its own special awkward? Barely eight minutes in and I was ready to watch THE EMOJI MOVIE for a sixth time.

    I'll give props to the crane that whoops on Kevin James in the garden. That dude's the true MVP of this movie. My gorgeous feathered cage fighter. <3