Constantine ★★★½

look, i did only watch this initially because i wanted to understand all the jokes embedded in a quiz titled "which keanu-john are you?" (because keanu has played multiple men named john, quiz result options being john wick, john constantine, johnny utah from POINT BREAK, jonathan harker from DRACULA, and don john from MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING—i'm split 50/50 between harker and utah, for the record, which is tbh iconic to me) that was in this book my friend gave me last year for christmas.

but TURNS OUT this is kind of great?? based on the poster i thought this would look like garbage but it's actually beautifully shot and full of stylish set-pieces that set it apart from other $100 million budget action/horror hollywood films. the production design and cinematography are incredible. something tells me that the advent of nonlinear editing is to blame for how this is cut (@francis lawrence CHILL with your constant cutting) but honestly i'm not that mad about it. and of course i had an incredible time experiencing keanu reeves and shia the beef chanting latin together and keanu reeves smoking like 8000 cigarettes and rachel weisz shattering a bathtub and keanu reeves punching a demon trapped in someone's neck and tilda swinton playing the angel gabriel (which is casting brilliance).

the most 2005 thing about this movie is that gavin rossdale plays a demon. all the other demons look just like this animated character i used in a 360 underwater horror experience i made for my immersive filmmaking class, which is to say they're the worst looking part of this movie but the resemblance was delightful.

anyway keanu reeves please come exorcise me

(film 1 from my 2020 horror journey)

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