• Saw III

    Saw III

    ★★½

    saw 3 or “notice me senpai”?

    you decide— let the games begin 🔪🧨💣💉

  • Paranoia Agent

    Paranoia Agent

    ★★★★★

    when I heard the opening credits i realized i had watched this mini-series when it first aired on adult swim in 2005. so now that i finished binging it in the year 2020 ive come to the conclusion that as an eleven year old, I absolutely should not have seen this but the fact that I did truly explains a lot

  • Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back - Evolution

    Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back - Evolution

    ★★★

    the reason I know that ash is truly a ten year old is this idiot saw mewtwo had psychic powers beyond any human comprehension and yet STILL... he tried to fight the mother fucker... like straight up charged @ mewtwo and tried to punch him with his whole chest.... what a fckin dumbass... absolute fool.... god I love my son

  • I Know What You Did Last Summer

    I Know What You Did Last Summer

    ★★★

    who did a hit and run better: these teens or laura bush? honest answers only!

  • Cats Don't Dance

    Cats Don't Dance

    ★★★★

    this movie came out in 1997 and yet still gave me a deep seeded cautious attitude towards abigail breslin when she started coming around in 2006 even though she was like nine. how, you ask? bc I knew she would HANDS DOWN be cast as Darla Dimples if they made a live action film, and for some reason at age eleven that was enough to be rooting for her downfall. i’m sorry to miss breslin

  • Super Troopers

    Super Troopers

    TOO many cops, NOT enough ABBA. will be going to court over this

  • The Hunt

    The Hunt

    ★★★★

    me: idk i’m feeling the hunt is a three and a half star film. it’s fun but there’s nothing about it that makes it more than th-

    betty gilpin: (ʘ ͜ʖ ʘ) つ🔪

    me: ⭐️FOUR⭐️STARS⭐️BABY⭐️

  • Leprechaun Returns

    Leprechaun Returns

    ★★★½

    i’ve watched this mother fucker in space, vegas, medieval ireland, a rural cabin, and “the hood” as they so eloquently put it for 2 movies, but you know all i’ve taken away from this endeavor??

    a) I only like this green mother fucker in one location— a random abandoned cabin in nowhere north dakota

    b) I still don’t know how the FUCK to spell leprechaun on the first try. omg I just did it. does auto finish count? does now! but honestly I hope I never spell or see that god forsaken word again!

  • Scream

    Scream

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I was sitting here trying to figure out who the bigger psychopath was, billy or stu. for most of the movie I was thinking stu just because he’s so clearly having fun with the murdering and sees nothing wrong until caught. seems pretty cut and dry.

    THEN came the scene where billy manages to get sydney to both feel AND say she is SORRY for having a hard time coping with the PTSD that was caused by seeing her mothers BLOODY MURDER before she was EVEN A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL so that pretty much settled that!! billy is a twisted adolescent fuck!

  • Leprechaun 4: In Space

    Leprechaun 4: In Space

    ★★½

    it took friday the 13th TEN MOVIES to get to space and he didn’t even meet an alien or fight a cyborg. leprechaun all of those AND he created a mutant in it yet still somehow almost fell asleep!!! am I okay??

  • Child's Play

    Child's Play

    ★★★★

    the real horror would be having a hot mom like aubrey plaza and never getting to acknowledge it

  • Child's Play 3

    Child's Play 3

    ★★★★

    when your man surprises you at military school after being reincarnated into a toy doll for the third time  🙈😳🙊🥰