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  • Florence Foster Jenkins

    Florence Foster Jenkins

    ★★

    Always follow your dreams. Maybe one day Meryl Streep will portray you in a mediocre biopic.

  • Who Killed Captain Alex?

    Who Killed Captain Alex?

    ★★★★

    Aeons from now, in a time so distant it is unfathomable to the human form, the elder beings descend upon a council at the advent of the death of the universe. They communicate in forms beyond our comprehension to ponder one important point: They still haven't figured out who killed Captain Alex.

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  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★½

    Mortal Kombat seems like the weirdest possible video game franchise to try and turn into a big tentpole franchise. The games have always been a vehicle for the gore. I mean seriously, Mortal Kombat has always been a shock value gimmick, these games are not even about the actual gameplay, they're literally just an excuse to just throw around slapstick ultra-violence. I have found them amusing for what they are, but I don't think even people who take them seriously…

  • The Mitchells vs. The Machines

    The Mitchells vs. The Machines

    ★★

    Hyperactive animated pop-culture memery. Some troubled themes about family and about technology and social media, but hey, this has some funny moments here and there, so obviously we must flood social media with hyperbole about it endlessly, yeah?

    Loving that Olivia Colman is essentially an A-Lister now, though. Go queen.

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  • The Problem with Apu

    The Problem with Apu

    ½

    "I certainly deserve a show."

    An impotent, mewling, self-important tirade by some irrelevant comedian about a cartoon character he doesn't like, fuelled with an incredibly reductive analysis of Apu and what he is designed to reflect in American society, and endless examples from the series that are taken out of context in order to make them seem like they are the problem they are in fact making fun of.

    What's really remarkable to me is how narcissistic this dude is.…

  • Lemonade

    Lemonade

    I can't provide any constructive criticism of this pretentious and egotistical bourgeois nonsense without being labelled sexist and racist by Beyonce's psychotic and fanatical fanbase, so I'm just going to do what everyone else does and scream YAAAAS SLAY QUEEN BEY SLAAAAY YOU ON FLEEK QUEEN SLAY YAAAASSS FLEEK QUEEN BEY SLAY SLAAAAAY YAAAAASS QUEEN BEY SLAAAAAAAAAAAAY FLEEK YAAAASS QUEEN BEY QUEEEEEE

    To think that The Revenant was attacked for "cheaply imitiating" Malick while something this tacky has been met…