I could not ask for more from this shot in the dark.
Take a look at this thing, whether sober or stoned!
You can say that it bites, but it will leave a mark.
There was talk of a blockbuster. Who could have known?
Oh the criticals scar, and the criticals boo
Criticals boo as criticals should
Criticals should, so criticals pan
Criticals pan and criticals boo.
On arrival it's dead, yet it lives--it's in heat!
Such immense talent spent…
For the first 30 minutes of this I wondered about the responses I'd been hearing, that it was some ungodly, uncanny simulacrum of a Disney film. Sure its central conceit of a kingdom where wishes are kept and only occasionally granted is labored and unintuitive; yes, the animation splits the difference between Pixarian photorealism and post-Spiderverse stylization and gets the worst of both worlds, reducing the detail to the textures and models while illuminating them with unflattering physically-based lighting and…
Greta Gerwig's Barbie is being regarded in film circles as a crossing of the Rubicon, the final triumph of capital over creativity in selling audiences a glorified toy commercial. It's not that the movie could be bad; the real concern is that it could be good, that a product of such mercenary intention could also have quality that could be better spent on actual art. This is an understandable concern; it's simple and reassuring for bad intentions to lead to…
I can't in good conscience call this a worse film than the misbegotten live-action adaptation from 1993, not even for a contrarian hot take, but I will credit the earlier film for being surprising. A viewer could not know what to expect from that disaster, for not even the people making it knew what to expect. The only surprises to be had here are the wretched needle drops. (Is "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" sharted into the opening scene of…