Bone Tomahawk

Bone Tomahawk ★★

I have decided I am not into S. Craig Zahler at all. This feels like Spike Lee doing some god awful remake of Deadwood. All the dialogue feels super hokey, and all the performances feel stale, which is a shame considering how stacked this cast is. It feels like what some college bro thought a Tarantino western would be like, only the jokes fall flat, the pictures are muddy brown (though well composed,) and all the dialogue has this abrasive machoism that not everybody can pull off. The few bits of dialogue that the one female lead gets feels like some troubled kid playing with dolls. 

This dude is not for me, and I’m sorry to those who love it. I dig the violent, well-designed practical effects, but even Patrick Wilson comically digging around in some cannibal’s throat didn’t do it for me, which is weird because it seems like that would be right up my alley. I had a feeling of what I was in for when the movie opened with Sid Haig performing one of cinema’s most unrealistic spits, which is usually something he’s a natural at. I was hoping I’d like this more than Brawl in Cell Block 99 too.

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