Call Girl of Cthulhu ★★½

Watched as part of the June 2018 Letterboxd Scavenger Hunt
My list | Danae Cassandra's master list
#29. A film based on any of the works of H.P. Lovecraft

I'm actually a serious Lovecraft fan with a sincere interest in seeing how filmmakers end up translating the work of this notoriously hard-to-adapt horror writer (but see my writeup of the first film of this double-feature, The Call of Cthulhu, for more); but after stumbling across this movie while researching what Lovecraft film to watch for this scavenger hunt, I just couldn't pass it up, even though the only way to watch it is to track down an illegal BitTorrent copy without closed-captions for the hearing-impaired like me. But alas, even though the filmmakers clearly want this to be an outrageously over-the-top gonzo sex-and-gore comedy, the finished film is surprisingly lifeless and dismal, due mostly to the plodding script that feels like it was penned by a junior-high-school student taking his first-ever creative writing class. (And make no mistake, our 13-year-old hero is a white male -- in the grand tradition of '80s Cinemax*, this movie features topless nudity from virtually every woman in the entire cast, but not a single bit of nudity from the men; and of the 109 people (!!!) who IMDB credit as making an onscreen appearance, the only two black people out of all of them seem to be a jive-talking pimp and a trash-talking bounty hunter.) A movie that I really wanted to be a guilty pleasure, but just turned out to be a chore, I'm giving it a decent score merely out of admiration that a group of buddies with no budget managed to get it finished and released in the first place, but certainly not out of any sense of enjoyment either of the sincere or ironic kind.

*Also in the tradition of '80s Cinemax, I'm pretty sure the woman on this movie's poster doesn't actually appear anywhere in the finished film.