Personal Shopper

Watched as part of the July 2018 Letterboxd Scavenger Hunt
My list | Jasmeet's master list
30. Watch a film about unrequited love.

For those who don't realize, this is known colloquially among certain circles as "That Movie Where Kristen Stewart Gets Naked And I Mean REALLY Naked Not That Half Second Of Boobs Bullshit Like That Horrible Jack Kerouac Film She Was In," which is what's kept this movie as a perennial screener among mainstream audiences since its 2016 release, despite being a dreary little no-budget French art film from the otherwise mediocre Olivier Assayas (who in 2002 managed to make a movie about internet pornography that was neither erotic nor technologically accurate, which essentially tells you everything you need to know about him).

And indeed, after finally watching it myself, the movie turned out to be exactly what I was expecting -- a barely plotted, pretentious mess, that is, one that shamelessly trades on Stewart's breasts in order to hook viewers into a meandering, eye-rolling story about psychics, a dead twin, pampered celebrities, terrible CGI representing "ghostplasm" or some stupid shit like that, and artsy text conversations while riding back and forth on the Chunnel train from Paris to London and back, all of its told with the heavy-lidded ponderousness that makes indie French cinema so mocked by the rest of the world. Perverts can get everything they wanted from this movie through a search at Google Images without having to actually watch it; and the rest of you would be wise to stay away too, a gorgeously shot film but the very definition of "blergh."

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