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jay has written 21 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • Tall Girl

    Tall Girl


    size 13 nikes, she walked in the club like nobodys business

  • SPF-18



    at this point im pretty sure keanu reeves just accepts to being in films to get him out the house

  • Skin



    cant believe they made a short film from "what tattoo you want" "literally just fuck me up fam"

  • Holmes & Watson

    Holmes & Watson


    is no one going to mention that the credited director is etan cohen which leads me to two conclusions. either this is an ethan coen imposter trying to tarnish his film making legacy or the real ethan cohen directed this trainwreck and desperately didnt want his name attached and thought removing the H would be enough to clown us

  • Slender Man

    Slender Man


    sony, after they spend millions on out of date ips that are guarenteed to lose them money and critical slating: im so random i cant believe i just did that

  • Jason X

    Jason X


    jokes on the writers thinking every teenager in 400 years would be heterosexual

  • The Kissing Booth

    The Kissing Booth


    the film equivalent of steve buscemi wearing a snapback, skating into school and saying "how do you do, fellow kids?"

  • Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

    Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore


    legend has it this heavily inspired wes anderson while drafting the first script for isle of dogs

  • Sharknado 2: The Second One

    Sharknado 2: The Second One


    not to make my love of bad movies sound pretentious but the numero uno rule of so-good-theyre-bad-movies is the director must be completely delusional to what they are creating, people making a genuine effort to make something great and falling flat on their face, thats what makes your tommy wiseaus, your neil breens and your amir shervans. sharknado is self aware and tries to be a funny-bad movie from the first frame killing any humour i can get from it,…

  • Scary or Die

    Scary or Die


    so this is what chad from high school musical is doing now huh

  • Death Note

    Death Note


    • cant believe a discount final destination exists

    • heres to peoples careers ending clink clink bitch

    • adam wingard having the biggest downgrade in director history, youre next showed so much hope

  • Martyrs



    did i watch this in 4D because it really did feel like torture watching this tragic american remake