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  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★½

    Your kids will love Baby Groot, and you'll love explaining the movie's many dick jokes to your kids.

  • Twilight

    Twilight

    This movie actually managed to be even worse than I thought it would be. Amazing.

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    ★★★★

    The Force Awakens was an entertaining enough movie, but played it safe so hard that you could sync it up with A New Hope as seamlessly as you can sync up Dark Side of the Moon with The Wizard of Oz.

    The Last Jedi, on the other hand, takes real narrative risks with Star Wars canon. It's no secret by now that many Star Wars purists didn't care for some of those risks, particularly in regards to the characterization of…

  • A Ghost Story

    A Ghost Story

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    There's a deleted scene on the Blu-ray in which you see what's written on the note. It says, "Lay off the Instagram filters, dude."

  • The Muppet Christmas Carol

    The Muppet Christmas Carol

    ★★★★½

    Still the best version of A Christmas Carol.

  • Return of the Jedi

    Return of the Jedi

    ★★★★½

    Has more computer animation in it than I remembered.

  • The Empire Strikes Back

    The Empire Strikes Back

    ★★★★★

    What a plot twist! I can't believe that [redacted] turn out to be [redacted]'s [redacted]. And that scene where Princess Leia [redacted] Han Solo's [redacted] while Chewbacca [redacted] C3P0 in his [redacted]? Wow! 5 stars.

  • Star Wars

    Star Wars

    ★★★★½

    I remember being surprised that they made the Disneyland ride Star Tours into a feature-length movie and thinking, "How could they possibly make that interesting?" But then they did it with Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (the first one was garbage) and I finally decided to give this movie a try. I'm glad I did! Harrison Ford knocks it out of the park as Jack Ryan, and Billy Ray Cyrus is excellent as Orlando Calrissian. If you haven't seen this hidden gem, I highly recommend it!

  • Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

    Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

    ★½

    Watching the Santa Claus Conquers the Martians episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is by far my favorite Christmas tradition.

  • Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond - Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton

    Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond - Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton

    ★★★

    You know, that Jim Carrey seems a little depressed lately.

  • Marjorie Prime

    Marjorie Prime

    ★★★½

    As I watched it, I kept thinking, "Ehh, this is OK, but it's a bit sparse for a movie. It would make a better play." Then I saw in the end credits that it was adapted from a play, and I patted myself on the back. Anyway, I watched this on Amazon Prime. Does that mean that Amazon is dead?

  • Sympathy for Lady Vengeance

    Sympathy for Lady Vengeance

    ★★★★½

    The best of the Vengeance trilogy. It has the most humor, the most heart, and the most sympathetic protagonist. It's still pretty brutal, though.