Jeckiboy’s review published on Letterboxd:
A patchwork quilt of other movies and TV shows: the title card of Call Me By Your Name, the plot of The Breakfast Club, footage from Logan, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the cast of hot TV shows like Game of Thrones, Stranger Things... the list goes on. The film is essentially five Buffy episodes packed into one film: five horror vignettes which allegorically stand in for teen traumas. I do like how far they go with these, even if it gets close to poor taste. The best one is a guy literally getting "too hot" when he's aroused and subsequently combusting: I wonder what that's supposed to symbolise?
The premise is honestly quite strong: The Breakfast Club with superpowers and queer undertones. The film establishes a wonderful subtext to build itself on. The problem is that the dialogue often explicitly states the subtext, which means everytime the characters speak they sound like fools. The film shows and tells. Replace the cheesy dialogue with witty teen-speak and you've got yourself a solid hang-out movie.
Thankfully The New Mutants explodes in its final act and finds its sense of fun through absurd digital extravagance. I even caught whiffs of Southland Tales' euphoric ending... didn't quite get reach those heights though.