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  • The Sandlot

    The Sandlot

    ★★★★½

    Man, that third act really takes a dump. The battle with The Beast just goes on and on...

    But I don’t really care because now my kid will call people pee-drinking crap faces.

  • Clueless

    Clueless

    ★★★★★

    One of my co-viewers asked mid-movie "Didn't she go crazy?" I briefly thought she was making an strangely tasteless reference to the untimely passing of Brittany Murphy, but she was of course talking about Stacey Dash's turn as a Fox News conservative pundit.

    Other random notes:

    • Tweens of today don't know who Cindy Crawford is.
    • Tweens of today are surprised Ant-Man was in movies 20 years ago.
    • After typing out those first two bullet points, I realize we can safely say that Paul Rudd is the biggest babe of my lifetime.
    • Dan Hedaya and Wallace Shawn are still alive! I double-checked!

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  • The Muppets

    The Muppets

    ★★★★

    It's fine if you don't like this movie, but it probably means you're an angry, hate-filled asshole, and fuck you.

  • Airplane!

    Airplane!

    ★★★★★

    1) It's been scientifically proven that this is the funniest movie of all time, so we don't need to have that conversation any more.

    2) I thought jive was an actual language until I was maybe 13.

    3) For some odd reason the visual gag of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar being pulled away from the cockpit wearing his Lakers gear and goggles is one of my favorite jokes in the movie.

    4) This movie is rated PG but has boobs in it,…