RSS feed for Jeff
  • The Greasy Strangler

    The Greasy Strangler

    Not that weird, not that gross, and never funny. I could see how fans of Tim & Eric and Jared Hess might like this, but that shit sucks and so does this movie.

  • xXx

    xXx

    ★★

    Someone could easily make a fan edit of this turd that I would give a 4-star rating. Here's how:

    1) Cut it down from its current length of 9 hours to a brisk 80 minutes. Or less.

    2) Replace all the nu metal on the soundtrack with, like, AC/DC? It doesn't matter. Anything.

    3) Replace Asia Argento's dialogue with some of Natasha Fatale's lines from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Take them straight from the cartoon. Don't bother to sync them up…

  • Friday After Next

    Friday After Next

    ★★½

    Originally, I just wanted to make sure Ice Cube was my most-watched actor in the little year-end email we get from Letterboxd. Then I figured since I'm at it, I may as well watch all his movies. Shit or get off the pot, as they say.

    But I still have thirty-two more movies to go. Thirty-two! How has this motherfucker made so many movies!?

  • Vampire Dog

    Vampire Dog

    I'm probably the only person who will ever log this movie twice. So I got that going for me...

  • Head

    Head

    ★★★★★

    I'm gonna guess this is the only time footage of the Saigon Execution has been used in a G-rated movie.

  • Daydream Believers: The Monkees Story

    Daydream Believers: The Monkees Story

    ★★

    The hilariously awful depiction of Jack Nicholson (which felt like Ben Stiller impersonating Tom Cruise impersonating Jack Nicholson) almost made up for the offensively awful depiction of Jimi Hendrix. 

    Extra points for a shot in a montage that seemed to acknowledge that Micky Dolenz owned one of the first Moog synthesizers.

  • Suture

    Suture

    ★★½

    Fantastic black and white cinematography and some interesting ideas wrapped up in a cool 90s noir façade. Unfortunately it's all undermined by the kind of bullshit film school script where the love interest is literally named Renée Descartes.

  • All the President's Men

    All the President's Men

    ★★★½

    Seemed like a fitting day to watch this...

  • Cobra

    Cobra

    ★★★½

    This is where Christmas stops...

    ...and I start...













    ...sucker.

  • Cabin Boy

    Cabin Boy

    ★★½

    Almost commendable for its aesthetic and the sheer what-the-fuckery of its existence. I tend to like Chris Elliott, but his humor does not translate to this odd adventure at all. And a pretty awesome supporting cast is given very little to do other than call Elliott "Nancy" for 40 minutes. 


    That floating cupcake is pretty funny shit though...

  • Sing Street

    Sing Street

    ★★½

    I did not like this nearly as much as everyone else for a few reasons:

    Firstly, the original songs fucking sucked. I appreciated that Dingus would listen to a band and then write a song that sounds like that band. Except they ended up with these horribly overwritten and overproduced turds that sound like they belong on Radio Disney circa 2016, which totally undermines the authenticity of the action. And I'm actually knocking half a star off my rating for…

  • Good Morning, Vietnam

    Good Morning, Vietnam

    ★★★

    I randomly happened to watch two movies with Bruno Kirby in two days. Feels like a noteworthy moment for 2016.