Sound of Metal

Sound of Metal ★★★★★

Thinking back on the damage I've done to my hearing. Putting the Gameboy speaker against my ear at full blast as a kid. Screaming so much for prolonged moments as a teenager. Lately it has been me delving into music like Machine Girl and Uboa. The noisy textures drown out my anxious, angry and otherwise undesirable thoughts. On other moments, (loud) sounds can act as a continuous stimuli to help me focus or save me from restlessness.

The dissection of good from bad stimuli is a continuous thread throughout my life, being autistic and fixated on audio and visual stimuli. My taste for creating music has all been converging to drone and texture exploration, because this often provides the most consistent quantity and quality of sonic data. When I was less fond of myself, I desired performing a noise set so loud it would take away my ability to hear. It would be my ascetic ritual. It would also bring me to eternal calming silence.

Looking back I'm thankful I didn't persist on that thought. Pure silence would likely deprive me of the auditory stimuli I so much desire. I have minor tinnitus, and at some moments it pops in and lingers for several minutes. In the moment I can only wait for it to simmer out, but I should also learn to make peace not being able to drown out the mental noise and occasional hums.

A letting-go of the normative world reminiscent of Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring with a beautiful portrayal of the Deaf community that lends itself to visibility and learning for those not familiar with it.

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