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  • Seventeen

    Seventeen

    ★★★★

    Seventeen deals with some serious issues (racism and death) and it handles it well, but its biggest success is in capturing the vibe of the high school hang; Being huddled in a small bedroom with five other people, eating junk food, sneaking in beer, calling a local radio station and being elated when the song comes on. It's like you've been transported to the different smell of a friend's house, trying to figure out whether their parents are cool or…

  • First Graders

    First Graders

    ★★★½

    Every few years our war propheteers try to convince us that America needs to start bombing Iran, for some mostly made up reason, and anybody that falls for that bullshit needs to watch any Kiarostami film dealing with Iranian school children and stop being a psychopath.

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  • Glass

    Glass

    "M. Night Shyamalan's best movie in years!"
    -Critics everywhere pre-writing their Glass review as Shyamalan enters the Weezer portion of his career of continuous harkening back to a better reviewed time causing a perpetual "Best in years" critical reaction, just before the project is immediately forgotten and the next mediocre nostalgia fest garners the same lazy blurb for a hellish loop in perpetuity.

    9 Jan, 2019

    Critics angrily delete "M. Night Shyamalan's best movie in years!" to make "Glass half…

  • The Dead Don't Die

    The Dead Don't Die

    When Arnold Palmer was approximately 200-years-old he golfed The Masters one last time and predictably did awful, which was fine because doing well wasn't the point. Palmer was just going out there having a good time with some old friends, a victory lap because he could. The Masters showed class (for the first time ever?) by keeping his score off the board as to not embarrass the fucking man, the goddamned icon. Jim Jarmusch, welcome to The Masters, you goddamned icon. Hope you had a good time with some old friends. Your score is off the board.