• Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    ★★½

    Saw someone drinking a tall boy out of a paper bag in the theater. Cinema is back, baby.

    (the movie is perfectly mediocre)

  • Fleshtone

    Fleshtone

    ★★★½

    Fleshtone is essentially Skinemax De Palma, executed in a way that makes you continuously ask yourself, "This is good, right?" Because it seems inexplicable that such a thing could be good, genuinely good. Beyond the limitations of its archetype – It still is a sleazy, low budget, direct-to-video erotic thriller – Is something that does every aspect of its story at a higher level than would ever be expected. It looks great. The night scenes, especially, are lit better than…

  • Coming 2 America

    Coming 2 America

    It's like when Funny or Die would do "Field of Dreams 2" as a gag, except for almost two unbearable hours.

  • Destination Tokyo

    Destination Tokyo

    Mediocre American propaganda film, and not "propaganda" as an overstatement, literal propaganda. But there is one scene that I will remember for the rest of my life; John Garfield puts on a voice record for himself and 10 other sailors, the voice is the wife of one of their recently deceased buddies. As the record plays, the wife talks about her love for him, the children's love for him, how they pretend he's there for dinner every night, even make…

  • Aspen

    Aspen

    ★★★★

    Fredpilled #2

    The Fred Man doesn't even pretend to care about skiing in his trip to Aspen, Colorado, he's much more fascinated in his discovering Aspen as essentially a white ethnostate, and to ridicule every aspect of it, with absolutely no remorse. I am a Wiseman novice, really, apt to think of him as a "fly-on-the-wall documentarian," but there is a cut in this movie that instantly made me get Wiseman. It's in a scene that takes place in a…

  • Days

    Days

    ★★★½

    The rhythm, textures and compositions all on display confirming what we know already; Tsai Ming-liang is one of the greatest filmmakers alive. This is a master pushing his singular style to its limits -- His slowest slower-than-slow isolated mundanity encapsulating loneliness in its most concentrated form yet -- Paying off wonderfully as the two seemingly unconnected characters we've been following meet like two lonely ships passing in the night, which now seems like high action after being put in a…

  • Willy's Wonderland

    Willy's Wonderland

    Never understood the appeal of Batman v Superman until I saw Nic Cage squaring up with an off brand Chuck E. Cheese and it made me feel truly alive.

  • Away from Her

    Away from Her

    ★★★★

    Sarah Polley: Super Bowl XLII MVP

    This is a story about how Sarah Polley made me a better person while helping the New York Giants defeat the 18-0 New England Patriots on February 3, 2008 in Glendale, Arizona at Super Bowl XLII.

    To begin, due to failing health, mainly Parkinson’s disease, my grandfather (who everyone, including myself called "The Mick") is forced to move into a nursing home in January 2007. My aunt and I move him in, I clean…

  • Malcolm & Marie

    Malcolm & Marie

    It's just the dumbest irony that Cassavetes worked his way up from nothing, scraping whatever acting money he could find, even mortgaged his home, to make personal film after personal film that when looked at as one giant statement ultimately reaches the artistic conclusion that the only thing that matters in the end; is love. Only for that to repeatedly inspire a fucking clown parade of legacy kid dipshits to make movies that consist entirely of couples arguing as a shortcut to being taken serious.

  • Derek DelGaudio's In & of Itself

    Derek DelGaudio's In & of Itself

    DelGaudio combines the worst aspects of TED talks, charlatan faith healers and Las Vegas magic shows to create an exact alchemy that made me wish I was dead the entire duration. The performative emotional delivery is remedial acting class level, distracting, and quite honestly, seemed sociopathic at times. Between bookends about idealized identity versus forced is a poorly conceived mishmash of sad biography and magic, just what everyone fucking wants. What seems to be a (bad) one man show quickly…

  • Crazy Love

    Crazy Love

    ★★★★

    13-18: Bukowski rules, the voice of the freaks, the voice of the lonely. Great shit stories.

    19-29: Pretend Bukowski was an embarrassing phase, no longer rules.

    30-present: Stop giving a fuck, can once again proclaim Bukowski rules. Now realize everything we're supposed to think is embarrassing is the work of someone without fear of such a thing, just a broken man pouring his heart out. He's Carson McCullers for people who hate themselves, a vital role.

    Crazy Love is beautiful.…

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

    It is my belief that a boy's favorite Ninja Turtle growing up predicted the type of 30-something man he would later become. I'm basing this on absolutely nothing. Boredom, mostly.

    The Leonardo Fan: Moderate to high functioning adult, holds down a job in no particular industry, whatever pays best for his skillset. Doesn’t have time for hopes and dreams, has a family to support, a mortgage to pay for, or at least a nice apartment without roommates. Isn't sad, but…