• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

    The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King


    Superior to the first two in every way possible. The pacing is so much better even though this one is longer than both its predecessors. I actually liked all the characters this time around too.

    This is easily the most work I had to put into watching a Best Picture winner, but it was more than worth the payoff.

    Gollum really said "yes i did that and you would do it too for a check.".

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


    Let it be known that about an hour and a half into this, I realized I don't care about any of these characters. I don't even think I actually know half their names. It's not even bad, but I'm not interested at all.

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

    The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring


    The best part of watching a super prolific movie like this twenty years after it came out is telling my friends where I know all the actors from.

    Elijah Wood? Wilfred. Viggo Mortensen? Green Book. Ian McKellen? Being gay and X-Men. Christopher Lee? CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

  • Kong: Skull Island

    Kong: Skull Island


    I was doing my taxes and they were more exciting.

  • Million Dollar Baby

    Million Dollar Baby


    Unrelenting misery and stress for two hours and some change. Loved it!

  • The Departed

    The Departed


    what's better than this? guys being dudes.

  • No Country for Old Men

    No Country for Old Men


    I enjoyed the bleakness of this one. More Josh Brolin love is needed. Javier Bardem did a good job as the fifth member of The Beatles.

  • The Hurt Locker

    The Hurt Locker


    what a snooze fest. every character is unlikeable. the camera work is obnoxious. the only saving grace of this thing is the bomb diffusing scenes. but you're more than welcome to watch this if you want to see Jeremy Renner play himself for two hours.

  • The Artist

    The Artist


    Definitely entertaining. I had to break it up into two halves though. Jean Dujardin is phenomenal. Also, shoutout to Uggie the Dog.

  • Argo



    i literally don't have enough will to live in my entire body to go through with something like this. y'all wanna hang me? sure thing!

  • Spotlight



    I simply do not have the energy to write anything controversial right now, but hey-o, fuck the Catholic church!

    Also, protect our journalist at all costs.

  • Stay



    The transitions are so laughably early 2000s. The idea is cool. The execution is a mess. I guess my biggest question is why they chose to make it from McGregor's POV instead of Goose's? Oh well.