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  • The Secret Life of Pets

    The Secret Life of Pets

    ★★★★

    ★★★★ The Secret Life of Pets (2016) lands in the sweet spot: hilariously cute but not too treacly or too snarky. boxd.it/gRkvD

  • Children of the Corn

    Children of the Corn

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Far from a masterpiece, this SK adaptation is enjoyable despite (and due to) its obvious flaws. The gore and visual FX are almost EdWoodian in their lameness and the kid who plays Malachi delivers a performance so awful that it boggles the mind to think that of all the kids who (presumably) tried out for the part, this was the cream of the crop. Also starring Linda Hamilton and a romantic lead who looks uncannily like Michael Bay (and wouldn't you know it, Bay's doppelganger saves the day by setting shit on fire and blowing shit up).

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  • Immortal Beloved

    Immortal Beloved

    ★★★

    Yo, Beethoven was def.

  • God Told Me To

    God Told Me To

    ★★★★

    This is a fascinating, unsettling, incoherent mess of a film.

    Imagine a mash-up between The Omen, The X-Files, Mean Streets and Dirty Harry, with a smidgen of Cronenberg-esque body horror thrown in just for giggles.

    The plot is barely comprehensible, but it's still quite watchable.