The Saint

The Saint ★½

This movie is dreadfully boring. The “I can’t take it. How much of this is left?” moment where I pause the movie to look at how much more I needed to endure occurred with only an hour and twelve minutes of this movies two hour run time elapsed. Long stretches of absolutely nothing but Val Kilmer’s hammy impersonations. I would welcome some camp, if the movie was camp, but the movie is trying to be Mission: Impossible meets GoldenEye. Elizabeth Shue is also left with a lot of strange stuff to work with - both in the dialog she is given, and the performance she is acting opposite of. The film’s bad guy wants cold fusion, which, fine, whatever, I can buy that from a Bond-like movie. However, that cold fusion is achieved, and not just achieved but shared with the world, breaks the believability of the world. By the end of the picture, when you’re wondering when this goddamn thing will be over, and they’re visiting a countryside house made by Ralph Lauren and Pottery Barn, you’re saying to yourself, “surely, they will stop here, what else is left to do?” And the answer is, “Val Kilmer needs to put on that clowny, old man makeup and sit next to a cop who has been anything but close-to-catching Kilmer. What a scamp! He got away! His car’s horn is the theme music!