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  • House



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Film Club Secret Cinema, Pick by [REDACTED]

    I'll never forgive the Japanese!

    -Joseph Joestar

    I thought Gantz had prepared me. I thought Baki the Grappler had prepared me. I thought JoJo, including that alternate ending to Emergence involving Josuke, had prepared me. I thought that one time the Great Muta sprayed his signature green mist into the vagina of Yinling the Erotic Terrorist and then she hatched an egg with a 500-pound sumo wrestler in it had prepared me.


  • Zombieland: Double Tap

    Zombieland: Double Tap

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I had such a bad time with this one. A consistently miserable experience. Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg are just atrocious caricature actors. Zoey Deutch is unbearable and makes me want to write a 13-page essay on the intricacies of Hynden Walch as Starfire on Teen Titans and how not to make someone want to rip their ears off and then choke on their own vomit. The fact that she came back in the film made me feel a pain…

Popular reviews

  • Repo Man

    Repo Man


    Film Club #14 (Pick by Matthew)

    Repo Man is a film from the 80's, if you couldn't tell already from the punk soundtrack, hammy acting, mohawks and leather, old cars, cocaine, cheesy sci-fi effects, clear nuclear war anxiety, popular televangelists, counterculture message, and the use of the f-word and the other f-word, and I fucking love it. Yes, it's fun as a time capsule, but also it's a pretty fun and effective film. Set-ups and pay-offs, "bomb under the table…

  • Re-Animator




    Yet another case of first watch whiplash, Re-Animator is fucking weird. It's really hard for me to call it a straight horror film, because really, it feels more like a drama that just so happens to have extreme horror elements. Herbert West and his injectable glow-in-the-dark Nickelodeon slime feels dropped into this school/family/medical drama where scenes of intense, soap-opera-like confrontations are juxtaposed against zombies, zombies, and more zombies. It's pretty weird but both parts are effective enough. Acting…