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  • Assassination Nation

    Assassination Nation

    (DNF)

    3 minutes in: that sinking feeling starts.

    15 minutes in: start playing on phone because my GOD, is this terrible.

    30 minutes in: turn it off, because #FuckThisFuckingShit

    So some dude fancies himself a satirical genius, but is really just filling his jailbait characters' mouths with shock-value sex stuff because it's the most fappable (and laziest) way to write Sassy Female Characters. Every stylistic gesture is overt, excessive, and meaningless. Painfully un-clever in every single attempt to be super-duper Clever. When a movie is made by idiots who fancy themselves geniuses, the viewer becomes the fool.

    Suki Waterhouse really needs to fire her agent.

  • Elizabeth Harvest

    Elizabeth Harvest

    ★½

    Take some stylistic wankery (gotta love the De Palma split-screen!), a healthy dose of misogyny (women are most useful in a sexually subservient capacity, and better off dead when they disobey!), and a metric ton of exposition (why let the stunning images speak for themselves when you can *constantly* have the characters explain their motives?) to create a joyless, life-draining genre exercise. That this is the brainchild of one of the writers of "Snakes on a Plane" tells you all you really need to know.

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  • Black Christmas

    Black Christmas

    ★★★★½

    Still underrated. Still chilling as hell. And still better than HALLOWEEN by leaps and bounds. And Margot Kidder gives possibly her best performance ever.

  • My Soul to Take

    My Soul to Take

    Retire already, Wes.