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  • Security

    Security

    The bewhiskered and beleaguered Banderas exudes a weary swagger that, while certainly welcome, can't quite compensate for the action movie monotony. An Assault on Precinct 13 riff with Ben Kingsley as the heavy shouldn't be this bland. Then again, I watched this shirtless with a Big Mac in one hand and a Miller Lite in the other, so who's the real loser?

  • The Meyerowitz Stories

    The Meyerowitz Stories

    I'm working on it.

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  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    I'm not gonna pretend like I watched the movie, so this will not be a review proper. I had a free pass and was down to go, but succumbed to the rumbly in my tumbly something fierce about 45 minutes in and life's too short to watch the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie while famished. So, I promptly ducked out to McDonald's and randomly decided on a Big Mac — an iconic fast food staple that has somehow eluded…

  • Still Walking

    Still Walking

    ★★★★½

    My family is intolerant. They would never see it this way but they are. Without getting too explicit, every last member of my family is in agreement that gays and transgender people are "sinful heathens in the lord's eyes". This is a result of being brought up in a Baptist home. Apparently, somewhere in the Bible it says to stop other people from being in love even if it doesn't interfere with your day-to-day life. Funny, I never knew that.…