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Jordashe 🌚 has written 49 reviews for films during 2015.

  • The Ridiculous 6

    The Ridiculous 6

    Β½

    Some (not all) of the offenders:

    1) Mark Twain speaking ebonics.
    2) Not one, but two extremely gross poop jokes involving a burro.
    3) Taylor Lautner being fellated by said burro.
    4) Terry Crews playing a piano with his dick.
    5) Adam Sandler thinking any of this is remotely funny or clever.

    Fuck, there's three more of these coming? God help us. Everyone.

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    β˜…β˜…β˜…Β½

    I guess it's easy to make a Star Wars film better than the prequels when it's beat-by-beat just like one of the original ones.

    However, this movie did seem to capture the spirit of the original series and I'm excited for what's to come. I just hope they can carve out their own path so we're not treading over similar ground.

  • Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

    Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Mission: Impossible > Bond

  • On the Edge

    On the Edge

    Β½

    You can never un-see, the Dak Sack

  • June 17th, 1994

    June 17th, 1994

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    As Tommy Wiseau, director/writer/star of The Room and The Neighbors would say, What a day.

    Such a well done documentary on so many levels (editing, footage, pace....to name a few).

  • Young Frankenstein

    Young Frankenstein

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Vee had better confeerm de fect dat Yunk Frankenshtein iss indeed VALLOWING EEN EES GANDFADDA'S VOOTSHTAPS.

  • Back to the Future Part II

    Back to the Future Part II

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Dreams fulfilled of seeing this on October 21st, 2015. The Future.

    Seen at the Castro theater as part of a Benson Movie Interruption.

  • On the Silver Globe

    On the Silver Globe

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Couple this with Hard to Be a God for the ultimate....

    What the hell is going on? /
    Breathtakingly beautiful /
    No really, what the fuck is going on? /
    Has Malick seen this? He'd love it. /
    Oh, also Tarkovsky

    ......double feature.

  • The Thing

    The Thing

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Fuck CGI.

  • Epicenter

    Epicenter

    Β½

    1) On the back of the DVD, the second sentence talks about when the "big one" hits. The earthquake doesn't occur until 52 MINUTES into the movie!

    2) The director and writer must live in San Francisco and love that they are destroying Los Angeles.

    3) The earthquake last for 6+ minutes. How many in history, of this incredible magnitude, have lasted this long?

  • The Minis

    The Minis

    Seen this a few times now; never disappoints. This time around, showed it to three friends, who were all crying from laughter when the glowing climax unfolded. It must be experienced by everyone.

  • The Village

    The Village

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Double feature with Dogtooth?