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  • Lone Wolf and Cub: Sword of Vengeance

    Lone Wolf and Cub: Sword of Vengeance

    ★★★½

    "I put a mirror on my infant son's forehead and strapped him to my back so when I bend over the light reflects into my opponent's eyes to blind him so I can cut his head off" is the most hardcore shit.

  • Resident Evil: Retribution

    Resident Evil: Retribution

    ★★★★★

    "It's real to her."

    Imagine thinking these films are bad, particularly this absolute masterpiece.

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  • Captain America: Civil War

    Captain America: Civil War

    The real battle royale this summer isn't between Batman and Superman, or between Captain America and Iron Man, or between the X-Men and the purple guy. It's over the soul of blockbuster cinema. Marvel has clearly staked its claim, and DC announced its own perspective rather loudly a few months ago. The latter made a film which, while admittedly convoluted, was at least a stab at something grandiose and new. It didn't make logical sense, but it felt like it…

  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    In my review of Captain America: Civil War two years ago, I likened the MCU to a bottomless pit. These movies, even the fun ones, ultimately fail because none of them can end. They can't tell complete stories, always forced to conclude with a tease of continuation. It's been ten years since the jump into the pit, and we've just kept on falling. Infinity War was marketed with the promise of finally hitting bottom. Hilariously, they couldn't even pull that…