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  • The Lodge

    The Lodge


    "I don't know what to do" - Riley Keough.

    - 2020 Ranked:

    When a man leaves his two children alone in a lodge with his new girlfriend, the three slowly succumb to panic and lose grips on reality. The Lodge is a movie that's willing to go there... after you get through a little bit of boring stuff. I think that you could cut the first 24 minutes of this film and lose absolutely nothing in quality... in fact…

  • Brahms: The Boy II

    Brahms: The Boy II


    "We make the rules in this house, not your doll" - Katie Holmes,

    - 2020 Ranked:
    - 10 Worst Movies I Have Seen:

    It feels like something that was made by someone who has never watched a horror film in their life.

    What the fuck is this piece of shit movie? I saw this in the theater. I used an A-list spot on this... Dammit this was BAD!!!!! In Brahms: The Boy II we get a film about…

Recent reviews

  • Spider-Man: Far from Home

    Spider-Man: Far from Home


    "Please don't call it the Peter tingle" - Peter Parker.

    -MCU Ranking:

    I think the Marvel Cinematic Universe is going to be just fine.

    I would watch Tom Holland and Jake G drink coffee together, read the phone book together, etc.... I'm here for that combo. The MCU Spidermans do a good job of capturing the high school movie feel. The dialogue always feels a cut above the banter in some of the other Marvel franchises. The action is quite solid and the superhero feeling is alive and well.

    I'll watch the next 20 of these. Recommend.

  • Frances Ha

    Frances Ha


    "I can't even get out of the house on my feet." -Frances Ha,

    I love everything about this film from the cringy to the beautiful. Noah and Greta's script is so fucking good and Gerwig's performance is one of my favorites of the decade.

Popular reviews

  • Dora and the Lost City of Gold

    Dora and the Lost City of Gold


    This movie is fine but its target demographic is 4-10 year olds that aren't scaredy cats.

    10 Better Things to do Than Critically Evaluate this as an Adult:

    (1) Criticize a foreign film without subtitles because you didn't understand the language.

    (2) Criticize the local news for having a depressing ending.

    (3) Tell a child that her taste in music sucks.

    (4) Read a child psychology book

    (5) Call Mr. Rogers a commie bastard.

    (6) Talk to people in the…

  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix


    "That would be a very bad idea" - Jean Grey,

    - 2019 Ranked:
    - X-Men Ranked:

    I know the memo instructed us all to hate this before it even came out but I can't read so I messed up and thought it was entertaining and fine.

    The X-men series in general is one of the better comic book franchises but with the exception of Logan's strength and the weakness of The Last Stand and Apocalypse I would describe…