Fantasy Island ★★

"Unless your fantasy is to die you better come with me" - Rooker,

- 2020 Ratings:

I feel like I just participated in a Turing test.

I can't believe how vanilla and predictable this ended up. I'm normally not at a loss for words but it's hard to rate a movie that is this generic and bland in every element of film-making. Instead, I'll just say the first couple of fantasies that come into my head.

(1) I wake up to find out that Timothee Chalamet and Lakeith Stanfield are my best friends.

(2) Trump is no longer President, he has been replaced by an adorable penguin who gives us all free health care.

(3) Ten more Twilight films are announced.

(4) The Favourite won best picture in 2018.

(5) Jean-Claude Van Damme has 5 Oscars, 4 for acting and 1 for fight choreography... the new Oscar category.

(6) World Peace, global equality, end to climate change... sure

(7) Everything cool in the 1990s is still cool.

(8) Being excellent at board games and watching movies becomes a marketable and unique skill.

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