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<Todd> has written 126 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • The Initiation

    The Initiation

    ★½

    "His name is Todd, just tell him you're a friend of mine." - Megan, trying to trick a Todd.

    - Daily Horror Hunt 15 (Sept 2019): boxd.it/3JrCO
    Clue 10: Watch a Clu Galagher film

    Everything pornography taught you about sorority initiations was wrong!

    In the initiation a group of sorority girls are forced to break into a store as part of their prank for orientation. Once in the building they become stuck and have to fight off an evil menace.…

  • An American Werewolf in Paris

    An American Werewolf in Paris

    ★½

    "Nothing hurts like your mouth, your mouth, your mouth" Bush (song lyrics in film)

    - Werewolf Joints: boxd.it/2ZBAw
    - Daily Horror Hunt #15 (Sept. 2019): boxd.it/3JrCO
    Task 6: Let's kick it old school with a werewolf movie

    I wanted less werewolves and more swearwolves.

    This is another film where the entirety of the drama would have been avoided if men just listened to women. In An American Werewolf in Paris, three horny American boys go to Paris to party and…

  • Critters 4

    Critters 4

    ★½

    "I found this, you know in the garbage" - Charlie,

    - Daily Horror Hunt #15 (Sept. 19): boxd.it/3JrCO
    Day 2: Watch the lowest rated horror film in your watchlist.

    There are only two critter eggs left to destroy and then the Universe is rid of them all BUT some silly conservationists want to save the critters... things do not go well. This all takes place on a cheap set... um I mean a space ship. There is a reason this…

  • Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

    Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

    ★½

    "We're not leaving until we find and interrogate Dolly Parton." - Gracie,

    Nope.

    William Shatner and Regis Philbin together on stage is a lot for me to handle but other than that this is a major step down. No one even talked about world peace, what the fuck?!

  • Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    ★½

    "I'm here, and I remember everything" - Alice, doing better than me.

    I've watched two of these now and I'm really struggling with the appeal, but then again I give 5 stars to Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 so I am only complaining so much.

    In Resident Evil: Apocalypse the virus is spreading and the Umbrella corporation has quarantined a bunch of people that may have the virus. When it is leaked that a nuclear bomb is on the way…

  • Point Break

    Point Break

    ★½

    "No, these guys are crazy enough to try it." -Utah,

    This movie remembered the action sports and forgot to include the gay subtext and likable characters. You don't replace Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze with some dudes.

    An extreme sports dude who leaves the life for the FBI becomes involved in a case of thieves stealing precious gems and money to give to the poor. Johnny Utah realizes that the thieves are likely attempting a famous series of extreme sports…

  • 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

    47 Meters Down: Uncaged

    ★½

    "Careful, you may not be able to get your ass through the cave" - Lil' Stallone.

    - 2019 Ranked: boxd.it/2lsbC

    More like 47 Meters Down Into a Pile of Crap: Uncaged am I right?

    Four teenage girls that looked good to Johannes Roberts in bikinis are exploring underwater caves when SHARKS! OH FUCK SHARKS! So they try to escape and they aren't great at it and blah blah blah it's pretty bad. I don't want to see glimpses of sharks and shaky cams I want to see a fucking shark! Lots of shark!!!!

    No, see Crawl instead, or again.

  • The Dark

    The Dark

    ★½

    "The dead don't get second chances." - creepy ghost girl.

    Well, it's kind of like Labyrinth, but with sheep, water and open pastures. I'm quite sure that would only make sense if you've seen this.

    Maria Bello takes her spoiled ass daughter to visit Sean Bean, her ex-husband, in Wales and the daughter, thankfully, gets haunted and becomes part of the darkness. Maria Bello decides, for reasons unknown, that she wants to get her asshole daughter back... it's about parenting...…

  • Social Suicide

    Social Suicide

    ★½

    "You don't exist... unless you are online" - The kid,
    AND
    "STOP! No more online videos...just talk" - The detective,

    Hide your kids, hide your family.... there are mean people on the internet. They are out there so be fucking afraid and scared!

    A cyber Romeo and Juliet performed on the movie screen. This plays out like a very bad episode of Law and Order: Cyber Love Gone Wrong. I have nearly two decades of memories of a life without…

  • The Haunting of Sharon Tate

    The Haunting of Sharon Tate

    ★½

    "If they keep us in the dark, they control everything" - Groundskeeper describing how I kept watching this shitty film.

    - 2019 Ranked: boxd.it/2lsbC

    This is like if James Wan produced a Sharon Tate film.

    This highly dramatic film follows the time leading up to the Sharon Tate murders. Specifically, this movie shows Sharon Tate, haunted by visions of her impending doom. It plays out a bit like a horror film with jump scares and suspense building, which is a…

  • The Uninvited

    The Uninvited

    ★½

    "What if she killed our mom" - stupid exposition line.

    I have never seen a movie where the score begs you to believe that what you are watching is scary but this is now one.

    In the uninvited, a girl returns home from psychiatric hospitalization to find that her deceased mom's nurse is now with her dad. The girl's sister and her begin to investigate whether the new girlfriend murdered their mom and boredom ensues. This is a low budget…

  • Welcome Home

    Welcome Home

    ★½

    "How can we get a place this cheap?" - Bryan... stupid Bryan.

    - 2019 Ranked: boxd.it/2lsbC

    This is why I think traveling is dumb.

    A hot but fractured couple (Emily Ratajkowski and Aaron Paul) books a villa in Italy for the week. After they spend time there being boring, the owner is revealed to be up to no good... in fact he is very bad! I give this script and B+, and the rest of film C-, which makes me…