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<Todd> has written 231 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Elizabeth



    "I am no man's Elizabeth" - Actually you are director Shekhar Kapur's Elizabeth.

    - Scavenger Hunt 54:
    Task 27. Watch a movie where the protagonist is a queen or heir to the throne

    Good for Elizabeth, fuck the patriarchy!

    Here's your double feature with Mary Queen of Scots, it's a biopic on Queen Elizabeth starring Cate Blanchett, who I would allow to bludgeon me with her sceptor. This is 98% standard as fuck biopic, 2% Mountain Dew commercial.

    It's a whatever from me.

    P.S. Sup Sir Richard Attenborough

  • The Theory of Everything

    The Theory of Everything


    "Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change." - Stephen Hawking, a dude whose biopic is as standard as possible.

    This being nominated for the best pictur Oscar is a false conclusion... that math should have been checked better.

    Biopics are at their best if they are introducing new information in interesting ways. It is difficult for me to muster up excitement over most biographical pics because they just seem like dramatic recreation films you would watch in a museum.…

  • Blue Crush

    Blue Crush


    "You're the sort of girl would never ask a man what to do." - QB Matt Tollman,

    - Scavenger Hunt 54 (Sept '19):
    Task 21. Watch a movie primarily based in Hawaii (9/30 complete)

    Ninety-five percent of the surf terminology I know is now because of this movie.

    Ann Marie is trying to negotiate raising her sister, training for a major surf contest, her destructive friends, and a group of intense dudes she hangs out with but she's doing…

  • The DUFF

    The DUFF


    "But you're an honest dipshit and that's what counts." -Bianca saying what I've always dreamed someone would say to me.

    - Scavenger Hunt 54 (Sept. '19):
    Task 25. Watch a film about pansexuality OR featuring an openly pansexual actor/actress. (Bella Thorn) (6/30 Completed)

    In high school I might have been a PORF or a REKI...or maybe even a SLOV, but definitely not a DUFF.

    Bianca Piper is smart, and nice, and has friends that she enjoys and then her…

  • Enough



    "No one is ever going to go after you for your looks slim" - A line said to Jennifer Lopez...this is a movie that presumes JLo is an uggo.

    - Scavenger Hunt 54:
    Clue 10. Watch a movie with themes of abuse (2/30 complete)

    The best Lifetime Movie ever made? I think maybe so... wait what? This was a real movie in theaters?

    A woman falls in love with a man she met at a diner and they get…

  • Bring It On: All or Nothing

    Bring It On: All or Nothing


    "Keep running white girl, you ain't fooling nobody" - Solange
    "Who am I to stand between a white girl and her dead dog" - Solange
    "Look, it's hip hop barbie and her Wu-Tang Clan," - Winnie,

    This movie has done more to help race relations in America than Green Book and Crash combined... ZERO OSCARS!?

  • Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones

    Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones


    "I'm don't care either" - Chappelle.

    Geez, the look how not politically correct I am crowd is worse than the look how politically correct I am crowd.

    There are parts of this that are really funny but a lot of it is just standard shock humor that Michael Che and Anthony Jeselnik do better in my opinion. It feels like a lot of people were so psyched to defend this that what's getting lost is that a lot of these jokes are a bit hack-ish and unoriginal. For me, this is being highly overrated but to each their own.

  • Coyote Ugly

    Coyote Ugly


    "I'm a coyote, if you want to see me again you'll figure it out" - Violet,
    "I write erotic novels for children... they're wildly unpopular" - Phoebe's Date on Friends (NIF)

    So this is kind of like a romantic horror story written for 10 year olds.... BUT, in that respect it's a success.

    Violet moves to New York to become a star singer but she needs a job because she has no money and is immediately vulnerable. After encountering…

  • The Belko Experiment

    The Belko Experiment


    "In two minutes we want thirty of you dead. If thirty of you are not dead, we will end sixty of your lives ourselves. Five, four, three, two, one. Begin." - The Voice,

    In real like Michael Rooker would kill every actor in this film.

    What would you do if you were instructed to kill 2 people within 30 minutes or 4 people would randomly be killed and there was no way to avoid one of those two things happening?…

  • Disco Godfather

    Disco Godfather


    "We want to whack the attack against angel dust" - A very bizarre slogan,
    "I don't pay you $75,000 a year to think Mister!" -some scary guy,
    "Is this going to be forever?" - David after dentist (nif)

    - Complex Top 50 Blaxploitation (22/50):

    Don't do drugs kids!

    A DJ/Cop starts kickin' ass and takin' names once angel dust hits the streets in his neighborhood.

    - good lighting? no
    - shots in focus? not always
    - cinematography?…

  • A.I. Artificial Intelligence

    A.I. Artificial Intelligence


    "If he was created to love it's reasonable to think he knows how to hate" -Dad... using bogus logic
    "You want Tom Cruise and all you can get is Jude Law? Just wait." - Chris Rock

    - Spielberg Ranked:
    - 5X5 Directors Challenge (Spielberg 3/5):

    I feel like I would be a snark mecha. It's a robot for people that want a robot that's rude... fuck... I would be a bad mecha.

    In A.I. there is an…

  • Tragedy Girls

    Tragedy Girls


    "And what about our missing pets!?" - Angry mob member, I get it.

    This is why I don't fuck with cheerleaders, or weird girls. I especially don't fuck with the weird girl on the cheerleading squad.

    Someone took the TV show ICarly and gave it a Serial Mom/Heathers vibe and threw it up onto movie screens in 2017 and that's how we get the Tragedy Girls. In the movie, two girls obsessed with death and murder end up getting involved…