"I'm sorry but I'll have to report you for this." - Brittany,
-2019 Ranked: boxd.it/2lsbC
It's hard to lose weight when you don't really like doing anything and you also don't really like abstaining from anything.
Brittany is a late 20s fuckup who is overweight so she starts training for a marathon to help with her weight and confidence. Along the way she interacts with a ragtag group of people, none of whom are very funny at all. What ensues…
"Don't worry, it'll do the boy no harm" - Toddy,
- Daily Horror Hunt #15 (September 2019): boxd.it/3JrCO
Clue 16: "What decade of life are you in? Add a 19 to the front and watch a horror film from that decade."
Robert Louis Stevenson can't even carry H.P. Lovecraft's bags.
In the Body Snatcher, Karloff is a body snatcher who gets stuff for people doing medical research. When suspicions about just how fresh the bodies are come to light, some minor dramatic stuff happens and then the film ends. I found this tedious and boring. Not a recommend.
"My name is Todd hahha... but some folks they call me Todd the God"
- Todd the Bully,
In the film about me I'd be stalking either William Shatner or Jean-Claude Van Damme... but that's my movie.
I'm starting a petition for Face/Off 2 because Travolta has just proven that he can take it to the Nic Cage Zone.…
"How often does a young lady kill herself in this shit town?" - one of them
- Daily Horror Hunt #15 (September '19): boxd.it/3JrCO
Day 3: Watch any horror film that starts with the first usable letter of the screen name you use.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn't supposed to be a pretty film. I was looking for the perfect word to describe this remake and here's what I came up with: BAD.
In this remake/reboot 5 teens on their…
"Okay shithead, here's the deal. " -Wolverine.
A quiet Ryan Reynolds is a wasted Ryan Reynolds.
Holy cartoon adamantium claws Wolverine, this kind of isn't good. In this movie you see Wolverine as a child, then you see the remainder of his origin story, which involves interactions with William Stryker and…
"Joining a gang is like sky diving without a parachute. Oh, at first it’s all fun, as you take on gravity in a thrilling and exhilarating free fall towards earth. The truth is, anything that is risky and dangerous always starts out as fun. But the odds are always stacked in gravity’s favor." - Drexel Deal (nif),
Was this Trump's secret plan to take down MS-13? To send in Jean-Claude…
"You smell like gun powder" - wife (grossed out)
"You know you love it" - Gerard Butler, hide your family, hide your kids.
- 2019 Ranked: boxd.it/2lsbC
I liked the parts where fists punched and guns went boom but I found the parts where people talked to be excruciating pain that I'll never get past.
"Only one scene left in this film, I'll be dropping out of sight myself" - Bruce Lee... creepy.
More like a game of crap
5 ways they attempt to cover up that there is almost no footage of Bruce Lee to use for this film because he died during filming.
(1) Colleen Camp's boobs
(2) 15 minutes of footage of men applying makeup
(3) Long, gawking shots of Kareen Abdul Jabbar's legs
(4) Scenes with too many crackers talkin' bout…
"Oooh naughty.... that's illegal!" - Bowling Alley Woman,
That's what you get for not respecting women! Also this monster looks like the cheddar goblin.
Three hornballs get caught spying on a super sexual sorority initiation so they get forced to join the sorority girls in robbing a bowling alley (yeah, it's dumb). Once there, they accidentally free a lil' monster and he starts some shit by granting wishes in weird ways. The monster looks horrible but adorable and the boobs…
"I don't want to win, I just want you and my baby to be safe... Daddy's here baby." - said to pregnant girlfriend,
I was desperate for this to be funny bad, but just kind of boring instead.
8 Random Thoughts
(1) Throwing up in a trophy right after you get it is a pretty gangster move but the movie goes downhill from there.
(2) This is a mosaic pregnancy romantic comedy... I think there is only one of those.…
"If you're lying to me, I'll be back" - Julius (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
I'm not sure that you all understand so let me explain. It's funny because Arnold is big and Danny DeVito is small... and that's funny.
In Twins, Julius (Schwarzenegger) finds out that he has a twin brother named Vincent (DeVito) and goes out to find him and more about his crazy past as a test tube baby comprised of genes from six different people. Julius is an intelligent…
"What's wrong" - Veronica,
"What else? Men" - Taylor,
"(sigh) this sounds like a cookie dough moment" - Veronica,
I like movies like this because it's nice to have a film series that employs white guys that look like assholes. I've got rights too dammit!!!!
Finally a G.I. Jane for rich elites. In the Skulls III, it's time for women to get involved in the Skulls. This film is all about girl power and Clare Kramer showing that even white…