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  • Blade Runner 2049

    Blade Runner 2049


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.


    Narrative disaster of the year. Literally every single emotional/intellectual effect the screenwriters pursued here was bungled, as though approached from only the most counterintuitive angle. I'm currently struggling to fall asleep in as 12 bunk Hostel in York (england), so I'll keep this to three briefish points, with the overarching point that the experience of watching this movie for me was kinda like trying to babysit the world's most arbitrarily disobedient child.

    A. The double twist structure is a…

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi



    Came back from this euphoric motion picture to find a pretty sizable chunk of disappointed, even angry reviews on this site. I then realized, given my momentary status as an expatriate, that I had the opportunity, neigh, the responsibility to guide the American people into how to approach this masterpiece.

    1. If your aesthetic parameters for this intellectual property are narrow-- i.e you cringe when George Lucas talks about how these movies are for children, you can stop reading.…

Popular reviews

  • The Duke of Burgundy

    The Duke of Burgundy



    Showed this to my father. He was bored by it. I explained to him that the fact that he loves me enough to watch any film I want him to is what the film is basically about. He said "No Julian, it's about lesbian lepidopterists."

    It's still a masterpiece, Dad.

  • Mustang




    Hot Take 1: The Great Escape + The Virgin Suicides = me underselling the fuck out of this movie.

    Hot Take 2: A beautiful, ten-legged monster is sliced up by the patriarchy, but bravely refuses to bleed.