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  • The Running Man

    The Running Man

    ★★

    Somewhere in the keeps of Hell, J.J. Abrahams thinks he is developing a gritty, totally mind blowing and never ending HBO reimagining of this movie. Marketed directly to Rick and Morty super fanbois who confuse watching television with critical thinking, the show will obviously be a sensation before ending at the height of its popularity. About a decade later, the series will be brought back and receive critical acclaim.

    If what I predict is true, then it’s a matter of course that Barron Trump will become the first King of America

  • Apt Pupil

    Apt Pupil

    ★★

    A heart warming tale of a young boy who loves Nazis. Directed by noted rapist Bryan Singer, its clearly a coded confession of the crimes Singer has committed over his prolific career of terrorizing young men.

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  • Parasite

    Parasite

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    “I tried to express a sentiment specific to the Korean culture, all the responses from different audiences were pretty much the same. Essentially, we all live in the same country… called capitalism” – Bong Joon-ho

    Conventional wisdom states that money corrupts, we can look at the hijinks and evil antics of the uberwealthy to prove this. However, a more subtle observation reveals the insidious nature of money and capitalism in and of itself; NOT having wealth also corrupts. Capitalism forces…

  • Pet Sematary

    Pet Sematary

    ★★½

    See what happens when you bury Pet Semetary in the Pet Semetary?