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  • Around the World in 80 Days

    Around the World in 80 Days

    ★★½

    The only thing worth watching in this movie is the great stunt work (as always) from Jackie. Otherwise, it's trash.

    Oh, well, maybe the ridiculous Arnold cameo is worthwhile too...

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    ★★★½

    Maybe it's because I've watched this entire franchise in a month and my brain has completely melted at this point, or maybe it's the quarantine and the constant boozing and jazz cigarettes that's gone along with it—I can't be sure. But somehow, some way, I had an above-average amount of fun with this film.

    Don't get me wrong, a ton of it is ridiculous and doesn't work, and there are some lines of dialogue dumber than dolphin shit, but at…

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  • The Greasy Strangler

    The Greasy Strangler

    UPDATE: It's now been four months since I've seen this film. I think about it at least once a day, and have every day, since June the 14th. Yes, this is a one-star review, but in reality, it's a secret four-star affair.

    It's like Napoleon Dynamite, The Room, Swamp Thing and Todd Solondz beat each other to death inside a Tim & Eric sketch, all set to a soundtrack from a Dan Deacon copycat.

    The titular 'Greasy Strangler' looks like famed…

  • Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    ½

    This is, by the absolute loosest human understanding of the word, a movie.