The Heaping Bouncy Breasts That Smothered a Midget

The Heaping Bouncy Breasts That Smothered a Midget ★★★½

“I guess if you don’t study, you end up dying. That’s why Robert Kennedy died.”
“What about John Kennedy?”
“Oh yeah. He died too.”

Three teenagers fucking around with a video camera and clearly just trying to make each other laugh. You eventually get swept up in their nonsense and all their dumbass absurdism gets really funny. 

There’s rarely more than two people on screen (and you can catch the camera in the mirror early on), so it helps that the plot— a dweeb “mid-Eastern history” high school teacher gets so annoyed that he buys some guns and starts killing the kids - is a very simple clothesline for all the jokes, all of which are fucking stupid and delivered with full confidence. This leads to stuff like a variation on Who’s On First where the teacher tries to buy guns, but his dealer thinks he’s trying to buy increasingly young children (he is only upset when it gets to two years old); they think it’s fucking hilarious, and I’m with them. 

Mostly shot in the most basic coverage imaginable, except when they do a Raimi zoom or, in my favourite part of the whole movie, an extended POV shot from a ball being bounced against a wall in faux slow motion. It’s moments like these that make me less surprised and especially happy that director John Bacchus went on to make movies with a little more money and titles like The Erotic Witch Project.

“What famous event happened in Iran in 1919?”
“How am I supposed to know? I’m supposed to be in miniature toy design!”

I would be very curious how the school felt about the climactic sequence where teach shoots a bunch of students in the halls. 

“Maybe this bum fellow tried to transmit the venereal disease, so this vigilante shot his dick off?”
“Now that’s possible.”

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