The Granny ★★★½

Birth Year Challenge 14/22

“You were a load I should have swallowed!”

Granny (Stella Stevens - The Poseidon Adventure) can’t stand her family, she knows they can’t wait for her to croak so they can steal her fortune. They don’t hide their distain for her much, bringing “shitty passive-aggressive family get together” to a whole new level. When she finally bites the big one, her family’s ecstatic, thinking they’re finally free of her. What they don’t know is she downed some immortal elixir before passing and now she’s back to murder the greedy vultures.

This was more fun than I expected! The movie gives us enough time to hate her family and be sympathetic of Granny and her only relative she cares for, Kelly (Shannon Whirry - Animal Instincts) so we don’t feel bad once Granny’s cutting off their dicks, among other things. From the moment the family arrives you can’t stand these obnoxious and petty assholes. And you suffer through their shitiness for almost a hour before heads start to role! That might be to long of a wait for some, but I enjoyed watching the bond between granny and kelly. You really feel the love between the two and it’s rough watching Kelly by mocked her own family. Everyone in this movie calls her either unattractive or not much to look at, which is funny considering it’s Shannon Whirry, a staple of 90’s erotic thrillers.

When Granny finally starts with the mayhem the movie picks up the pace considerably. Lots and lots of blood, a wrestling match between a tween and Granny, a rotting corpse puppet French kissing Granny, a group of fox stoles reanimating to tear out a woman’s throat, a cat ripping away its skin, all done in that fun 90’s low-budget way.

I mean, it’s no masterpiece, but I don’t think anyone would think I would be. It’s DTV trash, unpretentious, a little sleazy, a little sexy, over the top, gory, cheap fun.

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