Startlingly bleak; plays like the non-comedic version of a Green/Hill/McBride collab.

what in the heck is david suchet doing in this calamitous wreck of a movie

IT's lit.

I just want to stress that the FINAL SHOT of this movie is of Stanley Tucci smiling like a maniac in order to show off his new false teeth because he became a piano under the curse and all of his keys fell out and so he regenerated as a human WITHOUT ANY TEETH.