• The Black Cauldron

    The Black Cauldron

    ★½

    I tried to figure out why I didn't see this in the theatres - I was the perfect age for it - and I remember seeing Return to Oz and other films in the theatre, so it wasn't that it'd be too scary.
    I can only assume that Dad took one look at it, realised it'd be a Lord of the Rings knock-off, and promptly said no.

  • The Uncanny

    The Uncanny

    ★★★

    What, a 70s' portmanteau horror involving cats? Yes, please.

  • The Investigation: A Haunting in Sherwood

    The Investigation: A Haunting in Sherwood

    It lacked the mandatory Nottingham "ayup me duck"

  • Terminator: Dark Fate

    Terminator: Dark Fate

    ★★★

    I want Sarah Connor to teach me how to be a fighting machine.

  • Color Out of Space

    Color Out of Space

    ★★★

    Alpaca farmer discovers meteorite. Nic Cage ensues.

  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix

    ★½

    I can't decide if Jean Grey's story is boring because it's written by men or if it's just purely boring. I think it's the former.

  • Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    Godzilla: King of the Monsters

    ★★★½

    I need more Godzilla gifs to express my joy.

  • Hellboy

    Hellboy

    ★½

    How can you take something so awesome and make it so boring?

  • Häxan

    Häxan

    ★★★

    Don't watch the Amazon Prime version, as the cheery soundtrack clashes horrifically with the cavorting devils, burning witches, and cackling priests.

  • Serenity

    Serenity

    ½

    This is terrible. But it needs to exist just to show you how terrible it is.

    And for that, I love it.

  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War

    ★★★

    This felt like those mid-90s' comic "events" where there were multi-variant covers across several titles and you'd buy two copies, one to wrap in plastic because it was totally going to be worth something one day.

    And you'd read it, and the characters you loved were in there, but all the character development was focused on people you didn't care about and your favourite characters are in elaborate two-page spreads. And if you're unlucky, they only show up in Liefeld…