• Rambling Rose

    Rambling Rose


    I could've saved her. I would've been so nice to her and never asked for s*x and we would've just chilled and talked about music. "No thanks, I'd rather not do that right now, but did you hear the new Blind Willie Johnson?" I'd be so nice in 1929. Three stars!

  • Wattstax



    This movie made me say "hell yeah" to myself 19 times. Four stars!

  • The Book of Henry

    The Book of Henry


    The narrative around this is that it's the movie was so bad it lost Colin Trevorrow the Star Wars Episode 9 job. And maybe it did, idk! Maybe it had nothing to do with it. The cinematic schadenfreude of luxuriating in a bananas bad movie that sidelined a mediocre director from the biggest gig of his life feels weird! Maybe he's a good guy who loves his kids and spends a lot of time making his wife feel special and…

  • Imitation of Life

    Imitation of Life


    Genuinely moving! Juanita Moore unreal in this. They could remake it with the correct races and it'd be really good. Weird that that's an option now, like the 2021 West Side Story. "This time the races in the movie are played by people of that race in real life!" Good selling point! Four and a half stars!

  • Citizen Ruth

    Citizen Ruth


    Unpleasant! Two stars!

  • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    best part was krasinski getting brutally murdered. one star!

  • Death on the Nile

    Death on the Nile


    I don't know what y'all are talking about,, the mustache origin story moved me to tears. As a kid, I wasn't able to grow much facial hair, so to watch a detective grow some to cover up the scars he got in World War I...well that meant a lot to me. Death on the Nile is actually about trauma. Two stars!

  • Ambulance



    I was hooting and hollering and jumping out of my seat. I feel crazy that we all didn't go crazy for this one. But maybe I'm the one who's crazy. Maybe I'm the dreamer, the wild one, the visionary. This is cinema. A perfect film, five stars!

  • Written on the Wind

    Written on the Wind


    Ooh baby.

    Freaking melodrama dude. It used to be in movies when a sister slapped her brother it was scored with timpani drums! It used to be when a man fell down the stairs it was intercut his daughter rage-dancing to the devil's music, jazz! We used to be a proper country...and we can be again.

    Between this and Last Picture Show and Friday Night Lights, Texas as the setting for domestic heartbreak is undefeated. Four stars!

  • Darkman



    Frances McDormand looks so mad to have to do this! The walking vision of NOT happy to be here, poor Frances! Pity on an artist's soul, the unimaginable pain of enduring the untrained, those who don't know what it means to CREATE, to go to the Yale School of Drama, to live van-life poverty-cosplay, to bark racial slurs at Sam Rockwell. Shame, shame. She's a terrific actress, I like her performances, and boy does it feel like she hates us.

    It's Darkman but I'll say it, could've been darker. Three and a half stars!

  • Witness



    A few moments in this got me thinking "Oh I guess Harrison Ford in 1985 was the most attractive a human man has ever been in the history of the world"

    There's a friend of mine who looks SO SO much like Kelly McGillis and I kept wanting to text her that but I resisted, because as we know that can always go one of two ways and it usually goes the bad way. Even if you're comparing your irl…

  • Basic Instinct

    Basic Instinct


    Bart Simpson is in this movie. Michael Douglas has a Bart Simpson keychain. It is very funny to imagine this nasty sex detective prowling for puss all around San Fran making sure to be home at 7pm PST on Sunday nights to watch Bart get up to no good. Like, he loves coke and tapping ass, but he loves Bart's little shenanigans even more.

    Never seen this movie but of course understood the cultural iconography of Sharon, but no one told me about Jeanne?? Bc hey, Jeanne! And they both want Michael D's D? I mean okay, sure! Four stars!