Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets ★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

Valerian and the Overly Long Subtitle About the Crooked and Evil Government

This film is such a hot mess.

Here are two quotes from the title character:
"Time flies when you're having fun."
"2 hours alone with me doesn't sound so bad." (Ok this one I had to paraphrase but you get the gist.)

Those quotes couldn't be any more inaccurate. I had no fun with this movie and the movie dragged on for what seemed to be forever. Want to know what my facial expression was for the entire movie? Well, here it is...😐

Every subplot of the film was horrendous, especially the romantic "will you marry me" storyline between Valerian and Laureline. Dehaan and Delevingne have zero chemistry in this film whatsoever. Sure, they're good looking people, but they did not contribute anything positive to this mess of a film.

The only positives were 1) the visuals and 2) the moment when the credits started rolling and the whole theater collectively breathed a sigh of relief because the movie was finally over. It truly is a visually stunning film with some great CGI, but that didn't wow me while watching the movie because I already knew about the visuals from the trailer. The trailer was 1000x more impressive than the actual final product.

All in all, save your money and wait for it to hit a streaming service or Redbox. I don't even think it's worth shelling out the money to see it on a big screen in 3D. The movie's story, acting, and screenplay are far too horrendous.

Kevin liked this review