Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter ★★★

How are these films so bad and yet so good??!? Why did this make me cry?? Why didn't I absolutely hate the editing which people are rightfully roasting in nearly every review on this site??? Answers to those questions (and more!)... Never.

Something about these films just kinda defies explanation. They shouldn't work so well or be so entertaining, but once again, asked by literally almost no one, Paul W.S. Anders- sorry, Paul Thomas Anderson (wow that was a close one!) pulled it all the way out of the bag. Like I honestly think this might be the best in the series. It's balls to the wall action almost the entire time, the script sucks but it's also good in that it doesn't detract from all the sweet, sweet visual nonsense, the CGI and monster designs are fucking awesome and don't you dare tell me otherwise (the first few Resident Evil films suffered, I think, because Anderson hadn't yet fully realised the way he wanted this series to move and look, and things only moved upwards from there), and Milla Jovovich is just *kisses fingers like an Italian chef*.

Does it sound like I only have love for this film? I don't. It's a dumb, stupid film with barely comprehensible fight scenes and crap dialogue and a colour palette that is the furthest away from being to die for. It's full of needless exposition, violent, unmoving deaths, and dirty, blasted backdrops that aren't much to look at. Iain Glen returns as Dr. Isaacs; he has maybe one moment actually worth mentioning (that stabby finale on the plain), and Ali Larter reprises her role as Claire Redfield, although her character is such a non-issue at this point that I'm not entirely sure why they bought her back.

But then.. the ending. Alice and Alicia and the mob and the desert and the Red Queen's parting remarks. I loved that shit. I don't even mind that Anderson ended this on a damn cliffhanger despite that this is meant to be the Final Chapter, because if there's a chance he might make another one, I'm all for that! It really should be clear by this point that I actually have no taste in films whatsoever and should be torpedoed into the sun. Thanks for listening :)

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