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  • The Hobbit

    The Hobbit

    ★★★★

    Where's Martin Freemen where's Be

    An awesome animation from the late 70's. I really love all the hand drawn animation and art. Interesting character design and a surprisingly relatable aesthetics to Peter Jackson's interpretation.

    It's pretty much just The Hobbit in a very abridged format. Nothing to crazy here, but an excellent adaptation and pretty entertaining for a LotR trilogy fan.

    All in all, based fantasy cinema.

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

    ★★★½

    Hard to live up to the greatness of Fellowship tbh.

    Another fantastic fantasy film and an excellent edition of the trilogy. Unlike Fellowship this one has less exposition and world building and gets straight to the good shit. Of course the practical effects and all awesome like they were before and the CGI has improved as well. Much more humor and some based as shit bantz between the characters.

    All in all based fantasy cinema for sure.

  • Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

    Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

    ★★★★

    Peak Anglo

    This is my first time ever watching anything Harry Potter related, I went in completely blind with no knowledge of anything about this series.

    A fantastic modern fantasy film, that in my opinion, holds it own with Fellowship of the Ring which also came out the same year. Theres far more CGI effects in this than practical ones and it definitely hurts the film. It's pretty bad CGI, particularly when ever someone flies on a broom and when…

  • The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

    The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

    ★★★★½

    The only film worth that three hour run time.

    Wow, what a film. This was my first time ever being exposed to The Lord of the Rings. Only like, 20 years too late. I love the camera work in this. There are beautiful sweeping shots of natural vistas. The world they created for adapting this epic novel series into this film feels so real, and I've never read any of the books. It's only New Zealand but yet it all…

  • 300

    300

    ★★

    The codifier of an legendary meme.

    What a beautiful mess of a film. Hack Synder's magnum opus before BvS. Obviously this film is as far from historical accuracy as possible. There's a lot of pointy nipple titties and homoeroticism.

    I really don't like the colors of this one, somebody please turn up the saturation and take the sepia off. It's all bland greys and brown with a shitty sepia filter. There are few good instances of cinematography but the minority…

  • Twilight

    Twilight

    ★★

    Funny to think this was such a massive pop culture phenomenon in the late 2000's and early 2010's. Now nobody cares anymore, or even remembers.

    It's pretty bad. Edward is an obnoxiously abusive boyfriend and their romance is so fucked and weird. I feel sorry for the many many teenage girls that wanted a relationship like this.

    The special effects are bad, lighting bad, and of course the acting is bad. R Patt is truly doing the best with what…

  • Fargo

    Fargo

    ★★★★½

    The Minnesota representation we need in film.

    Fantastic cinematography. This film uses the color white to great extent. Its shot perfectly, and the lightning is excellent.

    Fargo perfectly captures the look of central Minnesota and the Minneapolis area. It warms my heart greatly to see the actual Minneapolis skyline. Everything still looks the same mostly. My biggest criticism is the complete overuse of stereotypical Minnesota dialect. Not even the Boomers here say You Betcha and Don't Ya Know as much…

  • Ford v Ferrari

    Ford v Ferrari

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Pure Dad Cinema

    This is a dad film. We haven't had a film this dad since Rush. Films about classic motorsport tend to be good, and this is no exception.

    Matt Damon does a pretty good accent (mostly) and god damn, does Christian Bale act amazingly in this one. Hes easily the best character. I went into this already knowing the story this film is based on, even with the knowledge that I knew Ken Miles was going to die…

  • DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

    DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

    ★★

    An unexpectedly good underrated underdog film

    I hate Vince Vaughn. His acting "style" is under acting. He delivers every line in every film hes ever in with same monotone expression and voice. Hes terrible and this film loses an entire star for featuring him.

    Everything else is surprisingly good. Ben Stiller goes all out for a character with not even that much relative screen time. His jokes hit the best, and the CGI effect to make him look like a…

  • The Witches

    The Witches

    ★★★

    A children's horror film that has some actual frights.

    A great "family friendly" horror film with some genuinely nice and scary looking effects from the master Jim Henson. Child actors are always hot garbage and this is no exception but at least he's a mouse for most of it.

    It's a quick 90 minutes too, and doesn't drag on. It's a little rushed, but still gets the job done. I love the scene where all the witches take off their wigs and masks.

    Based horror cinema for sure.

  • Pumpkinhead

    Pumpkinhead

    ★½

    A xenomorph rip off down in the sticks.

    Pretty bad in every area except the creature effects. There's a lot of detail put into to suit and you can tell that's where all the budget went. Unfortunately it's a very lame xenomorph rip off that's barely in the film at all.

    All the actors are very amateur and Lance is the only one with any talent. This one is rather short and the plot is minimal. There isn't a lot…

  • Mutant Hunt

    Mutant Hunt

    ★★

    Space shuttle sex murders

    Despite an obvious low budget this film manages to have style. The actors are all terrible in every sense but wear some seriously 80's urban sci-fy costumes. The very fake prop guns shoot even fake laser beams and a the lame ass fighs are overdubbed with loud stock sounds.

    As is usually the case with lo-fi 80's films, the soundtrack is an actually banging synth jam. The few practical effects in this are actually nice if…