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  • Gods of Egypt

    Gods of Egypt

    ★½

    This CG-shitfest is way too long. I hate the thief guy, whatshisname; he's annoying the whole time. The characters are uninteresting, and the action is boring. All the different bullshit the movie throws out is ridiculous: pour this special water on a special fire, sand-twirly spy powers, plug-and-play body parts.

    It tries to be a fantasy epic set in Egypt, but it's just a long, boring mess.

  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "No raccoon or tree creatures were harmed during the making of this movie. However the same cannot be said for the handlers of the raccoon and tree creatures."

    There are so many details in this movie to which I want to give a big thumbs up.

    There are jokes are set up an hour in advance. There's foreshadowing. There are the comments that Yondu kept kid Peter around because he was small and could fit into places others couldn't, and…

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  • The Thing

    The Thing

    ★★★★★

    This is one of my favorite films ever. It is the perfect blend of sci-fi and horror. The special effects are so well done that even decades later they remain a disturbing sight; modern movies should watch The Thing and weep in shame.

    The characters, the paranoia, the sense of claustrophobic doom, it's all brilliantly done.

    I watched this movie when I was decently young, so it holds a special place in my heart as being one of the few films that ever managed to scare me.

  • Army of Darkness

    Army of Darkness

    ★★★★

    Just found my MGM Region 3 Director's Cut buried in a pile of DVDs. Groovy.

    The movie is 93 minutes long with some alternate takes and the original ending. It's awesome, though I do miss "Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."

    Army of Darkness is a ridiculous, campy, over-the-top slapstick comedy in which the goofy Ash manages to make life a lot more difficult for everyone he meets. There really is nothing like a Bruce Campbell one-liner.