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  • Solo: A Star Wars Story

    Solo: A Star Wars Story

    ★★★★

    What if Lord and Miller weren't ready to take on the responsibility of directing a 250 million dollar live-action blockbuster? What if they actually deserved to get fired? Anytime there's a change behind the scenes of a major film, we're so quick to speculate about what might have been. Everything we like about the finished product is attributed to the original directors and anything we dislike we blame on the new guy. That's the story of Justice League and it…

  • Howards End

    Howards End

    ★★★½

    I was so taken by the Howards End miniseries that aired on Starz this year that I immediately went to the bookstore to buy a copy of the source material. Forster's original novel is the finest piece of British literature I've ever read (take that, Emily Brontë!). Merchant Ivory's polite adaptation is the most envy-inducing episode of House Hunters ever produced, but it lacks Forster's edge. It ejects the bulk of the novel's political subtext in favor of romanticism. It…

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  • Detroit

    Detroit

    ★★

    I'm from Detroit. I've lived in and around the city for the majority of my life. This movie has nothing to say about this city, the uprising of '67 or, most damningly, what it's like to be black in America. Detroit (the movie) is the cinematic equivalent of Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones; it luxuriates interminably in the depths of human depravity without ever arriving at a meaningful conclusion. Maybe the hopelessness I felt watching Detroit was intentional. It…

  • Fifty Shades Freed

    Fifty Shades Freed

    ★½

    This is the last one of these fucking movies and you *still* don't see his penis. What the actual fuck? Dakota Johnson has been baring it all since the beginning, but all we get of Jamie Dornan is a hint of pubes. There's only one explanation for this not-so-kinky fuckery: Jamie Dornan has a bad dick.