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  • Undercurrent



    "One of the tragedies of my life. Dogs don't seem to care for me. It's a sign of bad character."

    Always listen to the dog, Kate! If my dog doesn't like you, sorry, I'm just gonna assume you're a murderous industrialist intent on reshaping me in the image of the girl you liked who used to go with your superior-in-every-way brother so that you won't feel insecure for once in your miserable, rich life.

    I love any movie that features a character getting stomped to death by a horse!

  • Patton



    "God, how I hate the twentieth century."

    Yo, George C. Scott, if you don't want that Oscar, I'm sure I could find a place for it in my apartment. Against all odds, I like Patton. Thanks to a smart screenplay co-written by Francis Ford Coppola and Scott's masterful, self-aware performance, the film successfully counters every objection I'd have to lionizing a press-bashing, hard-driving war monger like George Patton. Chivalry in war, as in dating, is dead. What's noble about a drone strike? As a big fan of Don Quixote, this is about as good an adaptation as you'll find.

Popular reviews

  • Detroit



    I'm from Detroit. I've lived in and around the city for the majority of my life. This movie has nothing to say about this city, the uprising of '67 or, most damningly, what it's like to be black in America. Detroit (the movie) is the cinematic equivalent of Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones; it luxuriates interminably in the depths of human depravity without ever arriving at a meaningful conclusion. Maybe the hopelessness I felt watching Detroit was intentional. It…

  • Fifty Shades Freed

    Fifty Shades Freed


    This is the last one of these fucking movies and you *still* don't see his penis. What the actual fuck? Dakota Johnson has been baring it all since the beginning, but all we get of Jamie Dornan is a hint of pubes. There's only one explanation for this not-so-kinky fuckery: Jamie Dornan has a bad dick.