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  • Morocco

    Morocco

    ★★★★

    I know I too often use this space to fawn over the physical beauty of actresses whom I admire, so let's flip the script and objectify a man for a change: man, that Gary Cooper was as hot as the Moroccan desert! I know what people say about a man in uniform, but now I get it. And that jawline! Would not have been surprised if the dude tore open his shirt to reveal the Superman logo underneath.

    The least…

  • La Truite

    La Truite

    ★★★½

    Celebrating France's big World Cup win the way I assume everyone in France is: by watching Isabelle Huppert play an asexual trout farmer/bowling alley hustler who sexually torments an array of international businessmen, including Vincent Cassel's dad. Some really fascinating sexual dynamics at play here, but the ending drags.

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  • Detroit

    Detroit

    ★★

    I'm from Detroit. I've lived in and around the city for the majority of my life. This movie has nothing to say about this city, the uprising of '67 or, most damningly, what it's like to be black in America. Detroit (the movie) is the cinematic equivalent of Ramsay Bolton from Game of Thrones; it luxuriates interminably in the depths of human depravity without ever arriving at a meaningful conclusion. Maybe the hopelessness I felt watching Detroit was intentional. It…

  • Fifty Shades Freed

    Fifty Shades Freed

    ★½

    This is the last one of these fucking movies and you *still* don't see his penis. What the actual fuck? Dakota Johnson has been baring it all since the beginning, but all we get of Jamie Dornan is a hint of pubes. There's only one explanation for this not-so-kinky fuckery: Jamie Dornan has a bad dick.