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  • Jojo Rabbit

    Jojo Rabbit

    ½

    Nothing has completely decimated my faith in humanity than the fact that this film isn't being trashed left and right for being absolutely the most hideous, unfunny, insensitive garbage pile ever made. I never thought Waititi could make something so reprehensible, but here it is.

    The only positive side of this film's existence is that it has entered the status of barometer for me. I can't trust anyone who loves this movie.

    And before people come at me, it's not…

  • Clifford

    Clifford

    but...but why

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    This movie gave me a migraine, and it’s 152 minutes long in the WURST way possible.

  • Blood Feast

    Blood Feast

    Who cares if this was the first, it’s boring, tedious, and a trifecta of terrible acting, effects, and writing. There are brief moments of visual interest which pushes this from half a star, but basically it’s unwatchable.

  • Baby Bump

    Baby Bump

    ½

    Unwatchable.

  • Slaves of New York

    Slaves of New York

    ★★★★

    Terrible and unnecessary title, great film.

  • Spiral

    Spiral

    ★★★½

    After having read the manga, the movie feels like no comparison, particularly plot-wise, but the visuals and tone are still A++. As always a great time.

  • The Towering Inferno

    The Towering Inferno

    ★★

    This movie is way too fucking long—there’s some decent bits but honestly I think an hour for those moments would have been enough. If you really want to experience this movie I suggest folding laundry/cooking lunch/making some art while you watch because otherwise it will be boring as all hell. That being said; the all star cast are fun to watch, the stunts and deaths are tense and terrifying, and the visuals are excellent. Side note: this film brings up…

  • Kill Me Again

    Kill Me Again

    ★★★

    Not as successful as The Last Seduction, but still a fun time. Val Kilmer is uniquely well cast as not just a straightforward tough guy but also a bit of a doofus which I think is more his speed than some of his other roles. Worth a watch if your last Dahl movie wasn’t quite enough.

  • Windows

    Windows

    ★½

    This film would play far better as a series of beautiful and unexplained moving images courtesy of Willis’ cinematographic chops, with more Ennio Morricone and less/no dialogue or plot. Sadly, it’s a movie—shallow as a kiddie pool, reprehensibly written, and utterly ignorant. All that and also boring. PSA for those who haven’t seen it; this is no “lesbian sex thriller”, it is an inept heterosexual rape fantasy that exploits lesbians, women, and even a cat. Overall, I’m dismayed that this trash exists, although I kind of want some of the stills from it hanging in my home as art.

  • The Elephant Man

    The Elephant Man

    ★★★★

    “My life is full because I know I am loved.”

  • Ex Libris: The New York Public Library

    Ex Libris: The New York Public Library

    ★★★★½

    Wiseman could make a 3 1/2 hour long movie about toilets and I’d eat it up, but on the New York Public Library? Fuck.