Michael Colpitts’s review published on Letterboxd:
The Dark Tower is maybe the biggest cinematic disappointment of my entire life; a dull, lifeless, maddening mess of a movie that feels like a bad SyFy made-for-TV movie from the mid-'90s. Every choice is bad. Every performance is awful. The action is uninspired, Matrix-wannabe bullshit and it takes forever to get there. They took thousands of pages, distilled them down to 90 minutes of utter claptrap, and the thing still slogs ahead at a snail's pace with almost nothing happening. And, when stuff does happen, none of it matters. You won't care one iota. The whole thing feels like they shot all eight books, put the footage in a computer, and hit shuffle. Nothing makes any sense. It's top-to-bottom, front-to-back awful. A tragedy of epic proportions. This movie has forgotten the face of its father.