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  • Dracula

    Dracula

    ★★★

    Van Helsing owns bones. Peter Cushing crushes it here, naturally, but no matter who is carrying the crucifix, literally nothing will be cooler than the vampire hunter archetype of a mortal human being dedicating their life to stalking and slaying the most powerful and legendary undead among us in their own fortresses, meeting them in their chambers and staring down armed with nothing but their wits, the right weapons, and an encyclopedic knowledge of folklore.

  • The Invisible Man

    The Invisible Man

    ★★★★★

    In almost 100 years there still hasn't been another monster movie that's as much fun as this one, James Whale's crowning achievement of camp. The joy comes in the simultaneous hilarity and severity of Griffin's antics: he, cackling with anarchist glee, will spin a policeman by the ankles until his trousers fly off and then skip down the lane in those same trousers while singing to himself, but in the very next scene the policemen will express genuinely frustration and…

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  • The Shape of Water

    The Shape of Water

    ★★★★

    THE WHOLE THEATER CHEERED WHEN THEY FUCKED 👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌

  • Rambo 5: Last Blood

    Rambo 5: Last Blood

    between this and DEATH WISH (2018), all of these crusty old action stars are really coming back to make just the most absolutely vile and shitty propaganda for saggy conservative dads, huh