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  • Full Contact

    Full Contact

    ★★★★½

    "...MASTURBATE IN HELL!"

    there's a bittersweet Rocky IV "There's No Easy Way Out"-esque training montage in this which literally ends with Chow Yun-fat riding a motorcycle with a puppy in his lap and then proceeding to blast away a lineup of coconuts.

  • The Mission

    The Mission

    ★★★★

    holy shit lol youtu.be/Vo6zkQJf8uc

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  • Total Recall

    Total Recall

    ★★★★★

    "When you watch movies in Britain, the reaction when people hate a movie is … they just politely get up and leave at the end. And when they love a movie … they just politely get up and leave at the end. You can’t tell whether they hated your movie or loved it. But when I was a student, I spent some time traveling in America on an exchange program. One day I went to see Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall…

  • Annihilation

    Annihilation

    ★★

    like a charisma vacuum giving itself auto-fellatio for 2 hours.

    Garland's Ex Machina was the film that actually got me back into being passionate about movies again, so needless to say this was bafflingly disappointing. the plants and creatures are cool (though there's only like 10 of them) but otherwise the film looks genuinely milquetoast and bad, kinda like if Stalker or Arrival (why were there even flashbacks in this??) was filtered through the world's most opaque Claritin Clear commercial.…