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  • Sharks in Venice

    Sharks in Venice

    Got my sharks in Venice
    and they goin' piranhas
    HUH

  • Demonoid: Messenger of Death

    Demonoid: Messenger of Death

    Ridiculous, with plenty of risible elements (the best being the train sequence), but without ever being much fun. Peaks early, when it briefly becomes a different movie, this one about a possessed hand who's got a taste for craps, but then quickly slides back into following Samatha Eggar around. If it'd been just the opening -- a big-boobed cultist kicks ass, then has her left hand cut off -- repeated with slight variations, then maybe we'd be talking about an all-timer.

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  • Beasts of the Southern Wild

    Beasts of the Southern Wild

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Hey girl. Sorry you're too young and too small to do anything about global warming, your poverty, your father's horrendous parenting style, your missing mom, your terrible schooling, your community's penchant for alcoholism and general unwindulaxing, and being inculcated with values that emphasize the masculine ("beast it") to the detriment of the feminine ("don't be a pussy"). Oh yeah, and your father dying.

    But hey! You stood up to some imaginary monster pigs, so good for you.

  • Me and Orson Welles

    Me and Orson Welles

    BOYHOOD took twelve years to make, but this took twelve years to watch.