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  • Burial Ground

    Burial Ground

    ★★★½

    85m of fucking, slow Fulci-esque zombies, Jim Henson's Dario Argento Baby, some fucked-up Freudian shit, increasingly Rube Goldbergian deaths, and an unceasingly nightmarish procession of gardens surrounded by walls. It's great.

  • Monster on the Campus

    Monster on the Campus

    fuckin' coelacanths, how do they work

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  • Beasts of the Southern Wild

    Beasts of the Southern Wild

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Hey girl. Sorry you're too young and too small to do anything about global warming, your poverty, your father's horrendous parenting style, your missing mom, your terrible schooling, your community's penchant for alcoholism and general unwindulaxing, and being inculcated with values that emphasize the masculine ("beast it") to the detriment of the feminine ("don't be a pussy"). Oh yeah, and your father dying.

    But hey! You stood up to some imaginary monster pigs, so good for you.

  • Me and Orson Welles

    Me and Orson Welles

    BOYHOOD took twelve years to make, but this took twelve years to watch.