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  • Citizen Kane

    Citizen Kane

    ★★★½

    I pop my VHS copy of this fîłmé in to my bluray player. My machine starts to break and catch fire, flames are consuming my house. I sit back with my 4 pairs of 3D glasses stacked in front of my eyes. I love cinema I say, pulp fiction is my favorite movie. Fight Club is a close second. The new ghostbusters movie ruined the original I chuckle, as my roof falls, crushing my television set. Somehow this film continues to play, I smile smugly. My film taste is better than anyone else's I concede, and I die.

  • The Snowman

    The Snowman

    This movie literally cannot be real. Either it really is bad or its on some intellectual level so high above human thought that it's impossible to understand. I thought I must have been dissociating the entire movie because it couldn't possibly be real. There are entire sections of the movie where the dialogue doesn't match up with the actors faces. Charlotte Gainsbourg has a line: "do you want something to EAT" that is delivered in such a way and edited…