Joel has written 17 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • The Host

    The Host


    The Host wants so bad to be Psycho that it steals most of its story but executes it in such a bland way with terrible acting, poor direction and cinematography that comes off as cheap and a feel that is cheesy and also very bland. Hate knocking on a film that lacks a budget to look great, but The Host fails to be anything memorable and is just forgettable at the end of the day.

  • First Lady

    First Lady


    First Lady is this romance story between a former first lady (Nancy Stafford) and this King(Corbin Bernsen) which can be charming at times(both are dependable tv actors) but its buried beneath this political agenda storyline that is hard to get through because the acting is bad, the story is so predictable in all the worst ways, the dialogue is so cheesy(it tries to be funny and isn't but then is unintentionally funny when it's trying to deliver its message) at…

  • Wish Upon

    Wish Upon


    Wish Upon is an even more YA-centric version Final Destination then the Final Destination franchise ever was and with unlikable character, cliche plot devices and by the numbers story, it's easily one of the worst films of 2017.
    The story revolves around a young girl(Joey King) who is gifted a wishing box that while it rewards, it also takes life as a price. King has the most interesting story arc of the film, but her performance is bland and often…

  • Old Fashioned

    Old Fashioned


    A love story between two leads that never share any believable onscreen chemistry, Old Fashioned shoves chastity down the audience's throats and makes the lead actor comes off as sexist more than chivalrous. The film moves at such a slow pace that it's hard to stay invested in a film that doesn't seem to even want to keep the audience attention. The movie gets lost in itself and actually sometimes goes against its own message.
    With bland performances and a…

  • Survivor



    A really bland thriller about a foreign service officer(played by Milla Jovovich) that must avoid a ruthless assassin(played by Pierce Brosnan) in order to uncover a deadly plot. The story is so predictable, the leads out of place (Bronson, who is not believable in his villainous role) or bland(Jovoich who brings her emotionless acting that has made the Resident Evil sequels so repetitive) and the cinematography so mundane, it's no wonder that this film came and went in theaters.
    A bland thriller best left buried.

  • Pixels



    Adam Sandler's track record for live action film hasn't been great as of late and Pixels does nothing to change the tide for him. Another Sandler and friends film, Pixels is about retro gamers(Adam Sandler, Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage) being brought into to save the world after aliens begin attacking with retro game technology. The premise is so absurd and is really Adam Sandler's way of making old gamers feel relevant( as the military powers are neutered here to…

  • Sinister 2

    Sinister 2


    Sinister was a breath of fresh air in the horror genre with a great performance by Ethan Hunt and a new face in horror(Bughuul) that could have become a modern day horror icon. Sinister 2 however brings the same story premise again with a bland lead (James Ransone who is in a small supporting role as a cop who is not even the main cop in the film and only got a few minutes of screen time). He has no…

  • Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

    Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2


    A comedy sequel to the 2009 Paul Blart Mall Cop(not even the best mall cop movie of that year) and you expected this to be good? It wasn't. Paul Blart(Kevin James) is suppose to be the likable hero in the film and instead the film goes out of its way to make him seem so unlikable and so appalling that when he saves the day, I could care less.The film is so mean spirited in its jokes that they're not…

  • Grown Ups 2

    Grown Ups 2


    From the opening scene of Adam Sandler getting doused in deer urine, you know you're in for a train wreck of a film and it doesn't disappoint of that front. I never viewed the first outing, but I'm told its more of the same here. I would usually summarize the synopsis of the story here, but really: what story? It feels like a bunch of different sketches forced together to pad out the running time of a film. Watch as…

  • Æon Flux

    Æon Flux

    A great edgy innovative show turned into a colorful mess of an actionfest full of exciting action and an actress(Charlize Theron) that usually delivers great performances. Unfortunately for her, the script is terribly written relying way too much on awful exposition and godawful dialogue. Aeon Flux is ultimately a boring movie despite great looking
    cinematography and the less this film is talked about the better.

  • Hot Pursuit

    Hot Pursuit


    Reese Witherspoon stars in a "comedy" as a police officer who must protect the wife of a cartel drug boss turned informant (costar Sofía Vergara) so she can testify. Witherspoon feels so out of place here (giving such a great performance in Wild) and her southern accent atrocious but Vergara is so over the top in her performance that it becomes too hokey (her shtick works better with an ensemble cast backing her up and being used in small doses…

  • Effie Gray

    Effie Gray


    The story of a virginal bride during the Victorian era that looks to get an annulment from her cold and distant husband to develop a relationship with his protege. The film visually fits well in the era and looks good, but so much like Pride and Prejudice and others that it may just get lost in the shuffle.
    Emma Thompson brings the best performance to the film and her interactions with Dakota Fanning are some of the most interesting scenes…