L'Eclisse ★★★★★

#Existential Musings Vol. 1.

The Art of Filmmaking à la Antonioni, or 'The SSS' - Silence, Space, Segregation

1. Silence

'Then I really don't understand you. I wonder if your ex-fiancé did.'
'As long as we were in love, we understood each other. There was nothing to understand.'

The silence in my soul. It is overwhelming. There are sounds, of course. The sound of my footsteps on the empty street. The sound of a distant car. The sound of money. The sounds of people talking, of people shouting. The sound of more money. The sounds of life. I hear them and they do not make any sense to me. There is only me and my silence. He is there but his voice is much too silent for my kind of silence. I can hear him but cannot understand him. He hears my silence and does not understand me. I only have me and my silence. My own silence of death.

2. Space

'I feel like I'm in a foreign country.'
'Funny. That's how I feel around you.'

The space in my soul. There are too many streets. It's huge and I cannot find my way. I am walking in circles. I do not know where to go. Too many streets. And they are empty. It's huge and every street ends in a precipice or circles back towards itself. Too much space and nowhere to go. Even more empty streets. The space is too big for me. The space is too small for me and him. His space is neither big nor small. It is just of a different shape and does not fit in with mine. I only have me and my space. My own space of death.

3. Segregation

'We'll see each other tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'
'And the day after that and the next.'
'And the day after that.'
'And tonight.'
'8:00...the usual place.'

(And they both know. I'm crying.)

Alienation. From the world, from the people, from him. From myself. Too close but a world apart. My soul is in a prison. My soul is the prison. I am simultaneously trapped inside and outside of my soul. I can neither get out, nor let myself in. So how can I possibly let him in?

There is a bar in my prison that is like a huge pillar. It's much too high for me. It closes me off from him. It closes me off from myself. It splits my soul in half and neither half is my true self. I know I need to find myself. It is the only way. If I find myself, only then will I be able able to find him. Only then. I have but one question: how?

L'Eclisse shot

L'Eclisse was the best movie I have seen in a while and perfect for my much tormented soul looking for even more torment at present. Antonioni RULES. End of story.

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